- [x] Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future.

Nowadays, in some countries, obesity in childhood has become more and more often, bringing several problems in their present and adult lives.
This
essay will discuss the main causes of
this
and some consequences
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the future of these
children
.
Undoubtely
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
,
bad-food
Correct your spelling
bad food
show examples
habits and
sedentarism
Correct article usage
a sedentarism
show examples
lifestyle are the main reasons for
this
issue.
Firstly
, the consumption of fast-food meals by
kids
has increased in the
last
twenty years
due to
low prices and massive investments in advertisements.
For example
, fast-food chains like
Mc Donald's
Correct your spelling
McDonald's
show examples
and
Burguer
Correct your spelling
Burger
King apply billions of dollars each year towards
kids
and teenagers.
As a result
,
children
are eating more unhealthy food which leads to an
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
their weight
overwall
Correct your spelling
overall
.
Additionally
, the current using of electronic devices and technologies,
such
as smartphones, videogames, and tablets
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
taken
Verb problem
caused
show examples
young people to do less exercise and sports than in the past.
As a consequence
, obesity has become a serious problem for these
children
.
For instance
, some
kids
can struggle
bullying
Change preposition
with bullying
show examples
at school because
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
body shape and
difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
to do
Change preposition
in doing
show examples
sports.
Besides
, they can develop some diseases, mainly related to heart and blood pressure. The solutions are hard to implement owing to the fact that there is a huge industry behind, which expects
earn
Fix the infinitive
to earn
show examples
hundreds of thousands
dollars
Change preposition
of dollars
show examples
in profits from
this
public. Governments should regulate
this
commerce, banning advertising for
kids
and making public campaigns to encourage parents and
kids
to eat more
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
meals. Another measure can be taken at schools,
for example
, by stimulating
children
to do more sports and physical activities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and forbidding cell phones in the classroom.
To conclude
, obesity in young people is an
urge
Replace the word
urgent
show examples
question at the current days. The consequences are many as mentioned before,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
for
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
and mental health of
kids
, not only today, but in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their future lives. To solve
this
problem, parents, schools, and governments should work together and face the private interests of big enterprises.
Submitted by fmulato on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Try to provide more varied examples to support your claims. Specific, real-world examples can strengthen your argument and make it more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of typographical errors (e.g., 'Burguer King' should be 'Burger King', 'overwall' should be 'overall', 'undoubtely' should be 'undoubtedly'). Although they are minor, paying attention to them can improve the overall quality of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between your sentences and paragraphs. This can enhance the coherence of your essay.
structure
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion that bookend your essay effectively, making your argument coherent and easy to follow.
content
You have successfully identified significant causes and effects of childhood obesity, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!