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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than road.

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In the new era,
rail
Use synonyms
 is a means of transport that people use frequently, especially on festive occasions.
Thus
Linking Words
, there is an argument that politicians should use national funds for railway development
instead
Linking Words
 of roads. From my perspective, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and the essay will emphasise the two benefits of
rail
Use synonyms
 over transportation on the road. On the one hand,
rail
Use synonyms
 speed is faster than any vehicles which commute on the road.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the goods will be shifted more swiftly.
Although
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 transporting on roads is cheaper than railways, commuting by
rail
Use synonyms
 avoids businesses taking some risks. As an example, Tan Cuong Group which produces tea in the mountains is a big business in Vietnam.
This
Linking Words
 company chooses
rail
Use synonyms
 to commute tea to the delta because the tea will not be rotten, especially over a long distance.
In addition
Linking Words
, the rate of late transport to customers will be lower than shifting by trucks.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, citizens may be safer when they transport by
rail
Use synonyms
 because railways are set up the
rail
Use synonyms
 system in advance.
In contrast
Linking Words
, many vehicles move on the road, which leads to traffic accidents.
Moreover
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, some youngsters who drive carelessly can take dangerous risks for passers-by.
For example
Linking Words
, in a survey in China, 80% of the civilisations chose
rail
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of a car because they think that
rail
Use synonyms
 is safer than motorbikes. In comparison, the number of UK dwellers showed up to 88%. In conclusion,
rail
Use synonyms
 offers many advantages, so governments should develop infrastructure on railways. In the future, high-speed
rail
Use synonyms
 may appear in developed nations.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transition words and phrases to link your ideas more smoothly. For example, instead of starting a sentence with 'In addition,' try using alternatives like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'Additionally.'
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are always relevant and well-explained. While the example of Tan Cuong Group was relevant, providing more context or detail could strengthen your argument.
general
Use precise vocabulary and avoid repetition to make your essay more engaging. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying 'rail,' you can use synonyms like 'trains' or 'rail transport.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task and provided clear and relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your ideas are comprehensive and well-articulated, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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