IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While it is Sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminal, other believe that there are better ways to deal with what is your opinion?

#prison #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that any person committed
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
 must be punished
while
Linking Words
 others discuss
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
should find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
a nother
Correct your spelling
another
show examples
 alternative to the
punishment
Use synonyms
 system.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
 is the best way to combat
crimes
Use synonyms
 because some
crimes
Use synonyms
 are serious and
lots
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 do not respect the law unless there are methods that prevent
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 from
committed
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
. So, in
this
Linking Words
 article, I will discuss these two reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I believe
punishment
Use synonyms
 is the most effective
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 to make
people
Use synonyms
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not think about
defy
Wrong verb form
defying
show examples
laws
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 have bad behaviours and annoyed individuals in spite of existing
laws
Use synonyms
. If did not
existed
Wrong verb form
exist
show examples
 rules, it would lead
people
Use synonyms
 to
committ
Correct your spelling
commit
 more
crimes
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
crimes
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 made today by a
lot
Use synonyms
 of awful individuals and
this
Linking Words
 crime is serious and
this
Linking Words
 situation requires
to enforce
Change the verb form
enforcing
show examples
laws
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
crimes
Use synonyms
 like
kill
Wrong verb form
killing
show examples
, fraud and
steal
Wrong verb form
stealing
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 quite difficult
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 authorities to ignore
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and apply smooth
punishment
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the second reason is
lots
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 irresponsible and do not obey the
laws
Use synonyms
 without methods
prevented
Change the verb form
to prevent
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 from corruption.
For instance
Linking Words
,
lots
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 scared of rules and
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 before contrary regulations. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
justice is not found that will lead to
spread
Add an article
the spread
show examples
 of
crimes
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
lots
Use synonyms
 of
crimes
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 not committed by the various
people
Use synonyms
, because those
people
Use synonyms
terrified
Add a missing verb
were terrified
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
laws
Correct article usage
the laws
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, all the justice combatants like
policemans
Correct your spelling
policemen
show examples
, judges and lawyers
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
fully responsible for
security
Add an article
the security
show examples
 of society.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
apply
Change the form of the verb
applying
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
 to achieve justice is unavoidable.
Although
Linking Words
, there are simple
crimes
Use synonyms
 may deal with it
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 smooth ways.
In addition
Linking Words
to exist
Verb problem
,
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of governmental institutions for repair persons and
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 responsible for children who committed
crimes
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Introduce the topic and your opinion clearly at the beginning, and summarize your main points in the conclusion for a more cohesive structure.
Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to organize your ideas more clearly. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Development
Make sure your ideas are fully developed and supported by specific examples or explanations. This will strengthen your argument and make your position more persuasive.
Accuracy
Be mindful of grammatical errors and sentence structure. While minor inaccuracies are acceptable, clearer and more accurate language will enhance the overall quality of your essay.
Position
You provided a clear opinion and argued in favor of it throughout the essay, which is good for task achievement.
Examples
Your essay includes specific examples to support your points, which helps to make your argument more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: