Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

Part of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society believes that

music

is a good method to combine individuals with different cultural backgrounds and

age

categories together. It is obvious that

music

is a

world

language without the

reqiurement

Correct your spelling

requirement

of words to understand it

however

beliefs in different

societies

and

age

groups can create conflicts

with in

Correct your spelling

within

show examples

those

societies

related to the same

music

Thus

I partially agree with the captioned statement and the reasons are analytically presented ,in

this

essay. First and foremost, magic in

music

is its understandability and communicability even without the words, and

threrefore

Correct your spelling

therefore

societal and

age

barriers would not be acceptable with it.

Differen

Correct your spelling

Different

cultures have different musical instruments and melodies which are unique for them

while

youngsters have choices

which are

Verb problem

that

show examples

differ from adults . In spite of all these , good

musicmusic

Correct your spelling

music music

can arouse feelings in everyone, in every corner of the universe even without knowing what it is and bring them all together into one room.

For example

, in 2023 Sri Lanka female singer Yohani created a melody with more youthful in nature but it has been

embrassed

Correct your spelling

embraced

embarrassed

by people around the

world

without any

age

limit connecting her with the whole

world

and even with the most senior classical artists.

Hence

, good

music

has the power to bring everyone into a handful.

On the contrary

, unfortunately,

due to

the deep-rooted beliefs in some

societies

,and some senior powerful figures ,

music

can create wars in countries. Some cultural norms are associated with religious values;

thus

if somebody uses those melodies in an inappropriate manner that can

creates

Change the verb form

create

show examples

anger and violence among

societies

For instance

, once a Pakistanian musician used an Indian melody which is used to worship their god, in a rap song ,and that created a huge conflict between two countries and at

last

, the musician ended up in jail. In that case, even

music

can create unnecessary problems in countries. In conclusion,

music

has the power to be the language of the

world

connecting all together but

due to

misunderstandings, even

this

music

can create a fuss in

societies

Hence

this

writer is in partial agreement with the notion, "

some

Capitalize word

Some

show examples

people say that

music

is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together" .

Submitted by dinaka0001 on Sun Mar 31 2024

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Language

Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors. For example, 'communicability', 'embrassed' should be 'embraced', and 'musicmusic' should be 'music'. Consistent accuracy in language use enhances clarity.

Sentence Variety

Consider varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate linguistic range and flexibility. Using a mix of complex and simple sentences can make your argument more engaging.

Coherence

To improve coherence, make sure to clearly signpost your paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. This helps readers follow your argument more easily.

Supporting Examples

It's great that you included examples to support your points. However, ensure that the examples are directly relevant and clearly explained. Try to elaborate on how they specifically support the argument you are making.

Vocabulary

Use a wider range of vocabulary to discuss nuances in your argument. This can help to more effectively convey your thoughts and the complexity of the topic.

Examples

Good use of relevant examples to illustrate points, enhancing the essay's persuasive power.

Argument Structure

Effectively addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a well-rounded perspective.

Conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing your partial stance on the topic.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

373 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Many universities students use the Internet as their main educational resource. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this practice

Some people think that secondary school children should study international news as one of the school subjects. Other people think that it is a waste of valuable school time. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The popularity of tourism is increasing day by day. There are many benefits of tourism, but it also creates some problems. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?