IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

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There is a common belief that the
government
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 should fund
education
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 and
healthcare
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 and it should be provided free for the general public. I completely disagree with
this
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 opinion because
education
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 and
healthcare
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 both are expensive fields of expenses to the
government
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 so general people should contribute
according to
Linking Words
 their financial abilities. To start with, as
education
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 and
healthcare
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 are the most expensive sectors of a state, to ensure an equal distribution for everyone,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wealthy people should pay for
education
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 and
healthcare
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. If
education
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 and
healthcare
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 become completely free, the
government
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 will not be able to bear these huge expenses for its citizens and
therefore
Linking Words
 a state's budget for other sectors will face scarcity.
For example
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, in Austria, once the
government
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 declared free
healthcare
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 for all and
as a consequence
Linking Words
, the country encountered debt to bear the large cost of
healthcare
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.
In addition
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, if
education
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 and
healthcare
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fully
Add a missing verb
were fully
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 funded by the
government
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, people would not realize the actual value of
education
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 and
healthcare
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they will go to the hospital without any reason or they might not take care of their health because they know when they would get sick, they will get free treatment.
Moreover
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, in terms of
education
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, free of cost can make the young generation reluctant to receive it. They will not understand the true purpose of
education
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.
For instance
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, in Canada, tertiary
education
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 is high priced which makes the pupils more attentive towards study as it is not free.
To conclude
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,
education
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 and
healthcare
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 should not be free for all rather they should be paid.
Government
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 should not bear the burden of
education
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 alone
instead
Linking Words
 it can be shared with the public.
State
Add an article
The state
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 is not fully responsible for
education
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 and the general public should realize the expenses and value of
education
Use synonyms
 and
healthcare
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
It's excellent that you have clearly expressed your disagreement with the statement and provided reasons for your viewpoint. To enhance your response, consider developing your arguments further with more in-depth explanations or additional examples to fully satisfy the task requirement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical flow of ideas. You might further strengthen your coherence by ensuring smoother transitions between your points and more varied use of cohesive devices. This would make your argumentation even more compelling.
Task Achievement
Adding a counter-argument paragraph before concluding could enrich your essay by showing consideration of differing viewpoints, thus demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, framing your argument well.
Supported Main Points
Your main points are supported with relevant examples, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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