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Band 4.5

Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigration should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and code of behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #society #immigration #customs #code #behaviour
As known that immigration one of the most important organizations in any
country
Correct word choice
and play
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play
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plays
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part
Correct article usage
a part
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of
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in
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 arrangements
of
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for
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foreigner
Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
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 in order of purpose to live or work even
studying
Wrong verb form
study
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 abroad. The rules of staying must be set by their own rules to ensure that society will not be affected in any way by
people
 who come from different
countries
. When
people
 immigrate abroad to find new opportunities to achieve their goals that will give idea of what they are going through to succeed. I agree , that immigration
have
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has
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 to come with ways to contribute of development the
country
 by creating guarantee standards structures of
country
.
Firstly
 , when foreigners travel to
countries
 for sure they have plans to live better
life
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lives
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 for themselves, so giving them chances to stay with legal status will help them increase income
of
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from
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 economic activity in
countries
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the countries
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 where they are, example open source projects will help local businesses build more wealth and improve quality of living .
Furthermore
,
variety
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a variety
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 of industries will be important for those
countries
 to reduce
number
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the number
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 of
jobseekers
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job seekers
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 means
avoid
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avoiding
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 any problems in terms of jobs.
Secondly
, most of
people
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the people
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 who ask
to
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for
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 residence
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may have
high
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the high
a high
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 educational background,
they
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and they
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 will drive knowledgeable and experienced to
country
Correct article usage
the country
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.
Moreover
 ,
those kind
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that kind
those kinds
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 of
people
 with professional qualifications when they get right to residence as local citizenships will be able to provide their services and support to
local
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the local
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 community.
Finally
 , immigration
play
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plays
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Correct article usage
a roles
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roles
Fix the agreement mistake
role
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of guide
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in guiding
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people
 to follow the rules of
country
Add an article
the country
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to
Change preposition
apply
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by legal.
Submitted by s116656m on

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Task Response
Try to clearly state your position on the prompt in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for a stronger impact.
Task Response
For a richer essay, include a wider range of specific examples to support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more effectively with a variety of transition words and phrases for smoother reading.
Task Response
Ensure your essay aligns with the specific topic asked, focusing on whether immigrants should adapt to new customs and behaviors rather than broader roles of immigration.
Content
You have provided some good insights on the potential benefits immigrants bring to a country.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintaining a coherent structure throughout your essay shows your ability to organize thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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