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Band 4.5

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those time than they are now. What problems will this cause ? What can be done to solve these problems ?

#world #towns #cities #centuries #people #time
A vast number
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
cities
 and
towns
 were constructed in ancient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. These were
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
places
 to live for
people
.
However
, these are
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 longer suitable nowadays.
This
 is
due to
 the
fact
 that these
towns
 and
cities
 lack public
transportation
 and essential modern
facilities
such
 as hospitals and schools.
Hence
, local governments should release public
transportation
vehicles
 and start to establish necessary
facilities
.
To begin
 with, the main causes of
towns
 and
cities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changing for insufficient to live is that these
areas
 are lacking of public transport and necessary modern
facilities
.
Therefore
,
locals
 in these
places
 are complaining
from
Change preposition
about
show examples
 those and moving to
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 parts of the country.
For example
,
Aswan
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
 in Egypt
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 constructed and developed
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 old
president
Capitalize word
President
show examples
 Nasser in the 1900s.
Nevertheless
, three
fifth
Change preposition
of fifth
show examples
people
 moved from the
city
 to Cairo
by fearing
Wrong verb form
because of fear of
show examples
Correct article usage
the difficulties
show examples
difficulties
Replace the word
difficult
show examples
 lifestyle. Obviously,
Aswan
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have any metros and buses to travel in
Correct article usage
the center
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
city
 and some important public
places
 namely libraries and public parks.
As a result
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
locals
encouraged
Add a missing verb
are encouraged
show examples
 to move to modern
areas
. Some possibilities to solve these problems are creating public
transportation
vehicles
 and establishing necessary
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
.
For instance
,
Turkish
Correct article usage
the Turkish
show examples
government
 developed its
city
 which is
Bursa
. In
fact
,
Bursa
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 extremely old
city
 that was not
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 to live in the 2000s.
Thus
, the
government
 began to establish bridges and roads for
transportation
 and built
Bursa
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
.
Consequently
, the
city
 is one of beautiful
cities
 today. A vast number
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
cities
 and
towns
 were constructed in ancient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. These were
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
places
 to live for
people
.
However
, these are
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 longer suitable nowadays.
This
 is
due to
 the
fact
 that these
towns
 and
cities
 lack public
transportation
 and essential modern
facilities
such
 as hospitals and schools.
Hence
, local governments should release public
transportation
vehicles
 and start to establish necessary
facilities
.
To begin
 with, the main causes of
towns
 and
cities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changing for insufficient to live is that these
areas
 are lacking of public transport and necessary modern
facilities
.
Therefore
,
locals
 in these
places
 are complaining
Change preposition
about
show examples
from
Change preposition
about
show examples
 those and moving to
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 parts of the country.
For example
,
Aswan
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
 in Egypt
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 constructed and developed
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 old
president
Capitalize word
President
show examples
 Nasser in the 1900s.
Nevertheless
, three
fifth
Change preposition
of fifth
show examples
people
 moved from the
city
 to Cairo
by fearing
Wrong verb form
because of fear of
show examples
Correct article usage
the difficulties
show examples
difficulties
Replace the word
difficult
show examples
 lifestyle. Obviously,
Aswan
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have any metros and buses to travel in
Correct article usage
the center
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
city
 and some important public
places
 namely libraries and public parks.
As a result
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
locals
encouraged
Add a missing verb
are encouraged
show examples
 to move to modern
areas
. Some possibilities to solve these problems are creating public
transportation
vehicles
 and establishing necessary
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
.
For instance
,
Turkish
Correct article usage
the Turkish
show examples
government
 developed its
city
 which is
Bursa
. In
fact
,
Bursa
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 extremely old
city
 that was not
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 to live in the 2000s.
Thus
, the
government
 began to establish bridges and roads for
transportation
 and built
Bursa
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
.
Consequently
, the
city
 is one of beautiful
cities
 today.
Submitted by ab.ciyani on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to provide a more varied and complex sentence structure to enhance clarity and engagement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details are directly related to it.
Task Achievement
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General
Avoid repetition of the entire essay content. This does not add value and takes space that could be used to explore your ideas more deeply.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids reader understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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