Some people think that art lessons, such as painting and drawing lessons, should be compulsory in secondary schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Integrating
art
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
must be mandatory in the
school
Use synonyms
curriculum
Use synonyms
which is considered by some flux of
people
Use synonyms
and I largely agree with
this
Linking Words
statement because these lessons lessen
pupils'stress
Correct your spelling
stress
as well as
Linking Words
can unearth hidden talents which bring them towards career development. To commence with,
people
Use synonyms
who are opposite of
above given
Add a hyphen
above-given
show examples
view consider that these
subjects
Use synonyms
might consume student's precious time which should be applied on other important
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as mathematics and science. To explain it, if children are given time for painting and drawing
subjects
Use synonyms
which get their attention more than
other syllabus
Change the wording
another syllabus
other syllabi
show examples
then
Linking Words
they will not be able to concentrate on science
subjects
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of interest in these challenging
Use synonyms
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
show examples
,
thus
Linking Words
, they would not opt other career paths except
art
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
. Shifting towards the view of agreement, implementing
art
Use synonyms
lessons not only
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
student's stress but
also
Linking Words
sharpen their thinking skills. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, today's younger receive a lot of work from their mathematics and other
curriculum
Use synonyms
instructors which leads them towards depression,
therefore
Linking Words
, if these
subjects
Use synonyms
are applied in pupil's
school
Use synonyms
curriculum
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
they will divert their attention towards fun activities and it will assist them to reduce some burden from their mind.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conducted by Harward University in 2016 found that some
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
added
art
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
and students are more excited than before as they enjoy painting and drawing
along with
Linking Words
challenging
subjects
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these essential
subjects
Use synonyms
are
also
Linking Words
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a fact of
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
life as some students show their hidden talents by
paintings
Fix the agreement mistake
painting
show examples
and earn a lot of money by choosing
this
Linking Words
career.
For example
Linking Words
, a headline
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
shown in an international newspaper that in India 55% of
people
Use synonyms
who are disabled draw paintings and earn money for their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
,
consequently
Linking Words
, these
subjects
Use synonyms
become a source of poor and disabled
people
Use synonyms
's income. In conclusion, applying some interesting
syllabus
Fix the agreement mistake
syllabi
show examples
in
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
curriculum
Use synonyms
not only
mitigate
Correct subject-verb agreement
mitigates
show examples
children's stress but
also
Linking Words
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
to earn
Change preposition
in earning
show examples
money by showing their hidden talents with the help of painting and drawing.
Submitted by maninderdeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

sentence structure
Consider varying your sentence structures more to improve readability and the overall flow of your essay. While your points are effectively made, more complex sentences could enhance coherence.
grammar & vocabulary
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and word choices that can slightly detract from the clarity of your message. Revisiting basics can refine your language use.
focus & development
For even stronger task achievement, make sure that every paragraph directly supports your thesis. Avoid straying from your main argument and ensure each point is fully developed.
response to task
You provide a clear opinion and rationale, effectively addressing the prompt.
organization
Your essay is well-organized, with a logical flow from introduction to conclusion.
use of examples
You make good use of examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • creativity
  • self-expression
  • curriculum
  • mental well-being
  • stress reduction
  • unearth
  • hidden talents
  • compulsory
  • equality
  • disengagement
  • motivation
  • additional resources
  • financial strain
  • core subjects
  • well-rounded
  • critical thinking
What to do next:
Look at other essays: