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Band 5

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child, so that all children can read, write and use numbers.To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#poverty #countries #six #years #education #child #children #numbers
Some
people
 believe that the best form to
decrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
poverty
 in poor countries is by
education
.
Being
Change the verb form
To be
show examples
 more specific,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should offer at least
six
years
 of free
education
 for everybody.
As a result
, children would be able to read, write, and do calculations. I partially agree because I think that only
six
years
 are not
enought
Correct your spelling
enough
 to change lives. There are several measures that need to be
done
Verb problem
taken
show examples
 to put an end
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
poverty
. There is no doubt that
education
 is a powerful tool that
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
 to achieve
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life, and escape from
poverty
.
For example
, many researches have shown that
people
 with higher
education
 receive better salaries.
On the other hand
,
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do not know writing, reading or dealing with numbers have
difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
to find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
 jobs or just
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 survival jobs.
However
, only
basics
Change the noun form
basic
show examples
 skills acquired at primary school
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not
enought
Correct your spelling
enough
 to move
people
 into higher social classes. It is necessary
further
Add the particle
to further
show examples
education
,
such
 as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
graduation and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
postgraduation. Nowadays, the
competion
Correct your spelling
competition
 among employees is very hard and any detail
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
difference
Add an article
a difference
show examples
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
 a good job.
For
this
 reason, providing only
six
years
 of
education
 free of charge is too few. I believe that all
eductation
Correct your spelling
education
, from pre-school to tertiary
education
 should be free for everyone.
Moreover
, it is necessary to offer the first job opportunity to youngers or lend some money to them
start
Fix the infinitive
to start
show examples
 their own business. These are the only
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to make competition for jobs and success
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
capitalist
Correct article usage
the capitalist
show examples
 system fairer
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
whose
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are already
wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
show examples
 begin the run to success some miles ahead. All in all, I think that
education
 can transform lives for real, but it takes time, money, and dedication. Poor
people
 sometimes have to choose between working or studying. So, the only manner to encourage kids in lower social classes
maintaining
Change the verb form
to maintain
show examples
 their studies is
by helping
Change preposition
with help
show examples
 from governments, not just for
six
years
 but for all
education
 period.
As a consequence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty
 can be reduced in developing nations.
Submitted by fmulato on

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task achievement
Consider expanding your supporting examples with more detailed real-life instances or statistics to make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For even clearer argumentation, try using a variety of sentence structures and linking words to show explicit connections between your ideas.
task achievement
In discussing both sides of the argument, strive to maintain balance and explore the counter-argument more thoroughly to enhance task response.
task achievement
Your essay effectively communicates your point of view, showing a good level of critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
You clearly structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making your argument easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Well done on illustrating the significance of education in tackling poverty, your main points support your thesis effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • economic growth
  • skilled workforce
  • investment
  • employment opportunities
  • break the cycle of poverty
  • informed decisions
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • access to technology
  • stable governance
  • challenges
  • cultural barriers
  • free education
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