IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The best way to understand other cultures is to work for a multinational organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#cultures #work #organization
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Today multinational organizations do business across the world and create employment for many
people
. It has been claimed that
such
 a
company
 provides the best opportunity for its employees to learn about other
cultures
;
however
, I tend to disagree with
this
 claim.  Undoubtedly, working for a foreign
company
 may enhance some employees’ understanding of other
cultures
.
This
 is because they experience working with
people
 from different backgrounds, which helps them to learn about the customs and traditions of other countries through mixing. Exposure to other languages is
also
 likely, something that gives a much greater depth of understanding of a culture.
However
, there are a number of reasons that it is not necessarily the best way. 
Firstly
, there is no guarantee that a particular employee will be the person who gains
such
 exposure to other
cultures
 as it depends on his/her position within the
company
.
Therefore
, despite the potential opportunities, not all employees play roles where they regularly contact with
people
 from other
cultures
. (从逻辑上来讲，这一段可以没有)  There are
also
 other excellent options to attain
such
 a goal. International tourism,
for instance
, has become a popular leisure activity and tourists can experience distinct
cultures
 and learn to speak other languages. It is
also
 possible to do voluntary work with organizations and charities that work in other countries, and
this
 experience brings them a mix of
people
 rather than just those who work in companies.  In conclusion,
although
 working for
such
 a
company
 provides the opportunity to mix with
people
 from a variety of cultural backgrounds, I believe that
this
 is not necessarily the best way to learn about other
cultures
 as there are other ideal ways to achieve
such
 as goal.
Submitted by chanoneecyy on

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task achievement
Ensure that you include a variety of examples and illustrate points in depth. Aim to provide specific instances or anecdotes to better support your argument and make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your argument, it is important to develop each point fully before moving on to the next. This includes elaborating on how working for a multinational may not always lead to cultural understanding for every employee.
coherence cohesion
For stronger cohesion, try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to link your ideas more smoothly and clearly.
task achievement
A successful essay should be balanced and explore both sides of the argument comprehensively. Ensure you equally address why working for a multinational company can be beneficial for understanding cultures compared to the alternatives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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