Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Working cultures are various in different
countries
. European and American countries
are regarded as having less
working Correct quantifier usage
fewer
hours
than Asian countries
. While
some people claim that longer working hours
can allow the country to have better economic development than the nations that have shorter office hours
, I personally disagree with this
nation, as I will elaborate the
following.
It is undeniable that Change preposition
on the
work
time does not guarantee the advantages of economic performance. The effective
management Correct article usage
Effective
for
Change preposition
of
work
matters more, however
, longer working hours
tends
to lower Change the verb form
tend
staff’s
productivity Change noun form
staff
due to
lack
of sufficient concentration. Take Correct article usage
a lack
taiwan
Change the capitalization
Taiwan
for example
, most workers spend more than 12 hours
a day doing work
, which is much more than Western
Change preposition
in Western
countries
. However
, the majority of Western countries
' economic development exceeds that in
Taiwan. Change preposition
of
Additionally
, overloading work
in one day would make them frustrated, leading to loss
of a sense of accomplishment and enthusiasm for their jobs. Correct article usage
the loss
Thus
, time expenditure is not necessarily correlated to economic success.
Health concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
also
one of important
factors when it comes to working culture. Long working Add an article
the important
hours
deprive worker’s
rest and sleep time. It may cause potential physical and mental health problems. Change preposition
worker of
For example
, the Japanese are well-known as long-time workers, and nowadays the suicide rate in Japan is relatively high, leading to slowing their economic growth. Consequently
, in order to sustain industrial prosperity, maintaining an individual's health should not be underestimated.
To conclude
, while
working hours
undoubtedly play a role, in my opinion, factors such
as workforce efficiency and overall
well-being are equally crucial in shaping economic prosperity.Submitted by sandra19970823 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
sentence structure
Consider varying your sentence structures more frequently to enhance the readability and flow of your essay. While your essay is clear, introducing a wider range of complex sentence forms could improve its overall sophistication.
grammar
Pay close attention to minor grammatical inaccuracies, such as with article use ('this nation' should be 'this notion') and verb agreement. These small errors do not significantly deter from the overall quality of your writing, but refining them can make your argument more polished.
argument development
For an even stronger essay, you could incorporate a counter-argument paragraph that briefly acknowledges the opposing view before refuting it with your evidence. This could make your argument more robust and comprehensive.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, providing a clear stance on the topic that guides the reader through your essay.
examples
You've included specific examples, such as the comparison between Taiwanese and Western workers, and the case of Japan, which effectively support your main points and help to clarify your argument.
structure flow
The coherence and cohesion of your essay are commendable. You've organized your paragraphs logically, and your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next, which greatly aids the reader's understanding.