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Band 5.5

Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. Q: What is your opinion?

#space #exploration #money #q
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I believe that it is a valid statement.
However
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, some people may believe that investing in
space
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exploration
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 is
also
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 an important field which we should dive into. Let's
further
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 discuss
on
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apply
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what makes
space
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exploration
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 important and what other pursuits
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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might be as crucial or might even be more needed. By researching the
space
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 beyond our
world
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, we know what dangers and opportunities it might hold.
For instance
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, we need to have a
contigency
Correct your spelling
contingency
 plan for unexpected
things
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,
such
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 as asteroids falling down to
earth
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Earth
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 or a sudden heatwave caused by the sun.
Furthermore
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, it is entirely possible that the Earth might someday run out of its resources.
Therefore
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,
human
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humans
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 might need another habitable place. Right now, we somewhat have enough knowledge to deduce that Mars might be the second habitable planet in the Milky Way. These
things
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 could
otherwise
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 be unforeseeable if we had never explored what's outside of our
world
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.
However
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,
Space
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exploration
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 does not come cheap. Budgets used for the materials, technologies, and other resources that are required for its research can be quite hefty and can be used for other major causes. We are experiencing numerous kinds of
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crisis
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crises
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,
such
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 as global warming, pollution,
world
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 hunger, diseases, and
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 more unfortunate
things
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. All living beings, be
it
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they
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 humans, animals,
plants
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or plants
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 are
all
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apply
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currently experiencing
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crisis
Correct article usage
a crisis
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 and it endangers their very
lifes
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lives
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. These problems are
alot
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a lot
 more instant and dire as opposed to the
things
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 outside our
world
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.
Instead
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 of investing in something that we aim to mitigate for another 30 or more years into the future, we can use
this
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 significant amount of money to use it to help
and
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apply
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tackle the issues we are currently facing. In conclusion,
while
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 there is obviously merit in investing in
space
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exploration
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, there are a lot more critical situations we are facing right now. As a society, we need to make a wise and thought-out decision on how are we going to spend our resources and tackle the most crucial issue. In my opinion, it is wiser to help the people who are suffering from global and major
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crisis
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crises
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such
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 as
world
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 hunger and diseases. It might be better to spend money on
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space related
Add a hyphen
space-related
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researches
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research
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, once these
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crisis
Change the determiner
crises
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 have been mostly resolved.
Submitted by rizkyy.utama22 on

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Detailed Development
To further improve, you might want to deepen the discussion on each point by providing more specific examples and elaborating on how these examples support your opinions.
Balanced Perspective
Continuing to maintain a balanced perspective as you have done can enrich your essay. Consider exploring more diverse viewpoints for an even broader discussion.
Transitional Phrases
While your essay flows well, transitioning more smoothly between paragraphs would enhance its readability. You could achieve this by using a wider variety of transitional phrases.
Structure
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Balance
You made a commendable attempt at tackling both sides of the argument, showing a thoughtful consideration of the topic.
Use of Examples
Your use of examples to support your points strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive.
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