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Band 6

Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

#people #technology #relationships #become #development
Nowadays,
technology
 seems to be one of the most important parts of many
peoples’
Correct your spelling
people’s
show examples
 lives, especially the
internet
. It changes the way
people
 interact with each other. The
Internet
 helps
people
 connect with others much more easily than in the past.
On the other hand
, it isolates
people
 from their
friends
 and family. Both positive and negative sides will be discussed in the essay. Undoubtedly,
people
 can communicate more easily
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
internet
technology
.
For example
, we can contact
friends
 who live in other countries on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, we can send messages to foreign clients through Email with files attached and it will be delivered instantly. For me,
this
 is a positive development in
people
's
relationships
.
However
, the
internet
also
 makes
people
 interact with their family and
friends
 less than they did in the past. Since they can make new
friends
, watch movies, play games, search for information, and do many things on the
internet
, they pay less attention to
people
 in real life.
People
 need to control themselves and not become addicted to the
internet
 because
internet
 addiction could have negative effects on their
relationships
 with others.
To sum up
,
technology
 has affected
people
's
relationships
 in two ways. The positive effect of
technology
 is that
people
 around the world can communicate more easily, but if
people
 use the
internet
 too much, they would ignore others and
this
 is a negative effect on
people
's
relationships
.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Task Achievement
Remember to maintain a balance of both sides of the argument throughout the essay, especially if the prompt asks for discussion of both positive and negative aspects.
Task Achievement
Consider enriching your essay with more varied examples and evidence to support your points. While the examples given are good, adding more variety could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try linking your ideas more cohesively through the use of transition words and phrases that connect paragraphs and sentences smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by specific examples or explanations. This will make your arguments clearer and more persuasive.
Introduction
Your introduction provides a clear context for the topic and neatly sets up the discussion.
Balanced Argument
You have effectively addressed both sides of the issue, mentioning both positive and negative impacts of technology on relationships.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing your stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • interact
  • relationships
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • online
  • face-to-face
  • friendships
  • romantic relationships
  • family dynamics
  • positive
  • negative
  • development
  • effects
  • formation
  • ease
  • impacts
  • communities
  • connect
  • interaction
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