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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the goverment should strictly control the supply of fresh water, as it is a limited resource , while others it should not be regulated. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion

#people #goverment #control #water #resource
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Due to
 rapid development, the supply of natural and freshwater is running low. Some individuals argue that authorities should take control and impose restrictions on the use of H2O.
In contrast
, others believe that there should not be any limitations.
This
 essay will discuss my perspective and the related reasons. If we start considering the long-term future, it is vital for governments to limit the usage of pure seawater. As reported by Reliable Resources, droughts and climate-related disasters are becoming more frequent.
Furthermore
, overpopulation leads to more serious situations during the summer. The demand for meltwater will dramatically increase, which is a major reason for the inadequate supply.
Therefore
, if authorities start regulating the use of freshwater, it could effectively reduce the shortage of potable water.
For example
, without regulation, the government cannot control the amount of aqua usage in various industries, especially in factories that consume an enormous proportion of water."
On the other hand
, considering the social aspects,
such
 control could lead to inequality in citizens' rights. The population pays taxes and bills to have a steady supply of H2O, and companies pay more in cases of excess usage.
Moreover
, people living in rural areas might find restrictions unbearable. It is not as convenient for them to access fresh aqua as it is for people living in cities."
To sum up
, it is an imminent consequence that society focuses solely on pushing for the better development of a country
instead
 of considering our ecosystems.
Although
such
 regulations might seem unfair to some, we should take action to prevent
further
 hydrogen shortages."
Submitted by shahobhozratkulov on

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task achievement
Provide more relevant specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention specific cases where government regulation of water has been successful or unsuccessful.
task achievement
Ensure that each argument is clearly and comprehensively explained. For example, why might restrictions be unbearable for people in rural areas? Provide more detailed reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Revise sentence structure to ensure clarity and reduce ambiguity. Some sentences are complex and might confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use consistent terminology to avoid confusion. For example, instead of alternating between H2O, pure seawater, meltwater, aqua, and fresh water, choose one term and stick to it.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-presented and connected to the main discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, leading the reader through your points smoothly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • limited resource
  • strictly control
  • government regulation
  • manage
  • allocate
  • responsibly
  • sustainable
  • water scarcity
  • water conservation
  • equitable distribution
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