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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In the current society, many people are struggling with obesity. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

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Being overweight is a common issue in today's world. There are several reasons why
obesity
Use synonyms
 has happened significantly, especially in recent times. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss in detail the cause and effect of
obesity
Use synonyms
 itself.
To begin
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 with,
obesity
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 occurs in every part of the world
due to
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 the lack of information about some preventive ways to avoid
this
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 issue. The main causes of
obesity
Use synonyms
 are eating a lot of unhealthy foods including fast and junk foods, drinking sweet drinks, and not exercising regularly.
Moreover
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, another discovery is that many children and teenagers gain excessive weight these days.
This
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 case is happening because of the lack of parental attention in terms of what kind of foods and drinks their children consume every day.
Additionally
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, parents are not giving a friendly reminder to their children about the danger of consuming a lot of harmful dishes,
as well as
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 sugary drinks. In consequence, being overweight will make the possibility of a few health diseases bigger than before.
For instance
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, diabetes, heart attack, and even death will happen because of
obesity
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 that a person suffers.
Besides
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 health problems, there are
also
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 mental issues that are caused by gaining too much weight,
such
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 as depression, anxiety, overthinking, etc. Both types of problems, I believe, are very important to know for people who are suffering from
obesity
Use synonyms
 to pay more attention to them.
To conclude
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, being overweight is a common thing that everyone has to be aware of since its effects are very serious and dangerous at the same time.

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Task Achievement
Expanding on the causes of obesity could enhance the essay. Mentioning factors like genetic predisposition, psychological factors, or socioeconomic status can add depth.
Task Achievement
Providing more specific examples or real-world data to support your points about the causes and effects of obesity would make your argument stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking devices to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs, increasing the overall coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain consistency in your essay structure to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing the causes and effects of obesity clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've done well in structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • genetic predisposition
  • exacerbated
  • nutrient-deficient
  • caloric intake
  • socioeconomic factors
  • psychological factors
  • chronic diseases
  • discrimination
  • healthcare costs
  • stigma
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