In the current society, many people are struggling with obesity. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

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Being overweight is a common issue in today's world. There are several reasons why

obesity

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has happened significantly, especially in recent times. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss in detail the cause and effect of

obesity

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itself.

To begin

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with,

obesity

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occurs in every part of the world

due to

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the lack of information about some preventive ways to avoid

this

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issue. The main causes of

obesity

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are eating a lot of unhealthy foods including fast and junk foods, drinking sweet drinks, and not exercising regularly.

Moreover

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, another discovery is that many children and teenagers gain excessive weight these days.

This

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case is happening because of the lack of parental attention in terms of what kind of foods and drinks their children consume every day.

Additionally

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, parents are not giving a friendly reminder to their children about the danger of consuming a lot of harmful dishes,

as well as

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sugary drinks. In consequence, being overweight will make the possibility of a few health diseases bigger than before.

For instance

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, diabetes, heart attack, and even death will happen because of

obesity

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that a person suffers.

Besides

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health problems, there are

also

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mental issues that are caused by gaining too much weight,

such

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as depression, anxiety, overthinking, etc. Both types of problems, I believe, are very important to know for people who are suffering from

obesity

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to pay more attention to them.

To conclude

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, being overweight is a common thing that everyone has to be aware of since its effects are very serious and dangerous at the same time.

Submitted by nadhyra.haninda on Tue Apr 02 2024

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Task Achievement

Expanding on the causes of obesity could enhance the essay. Mentioning factors like genetic predisposition, psychological factors, or socioeconomic status can add depth.

Task Achievement

Providing more specific examples or real-world data to support your points about the causes and effects of obesity would make your argument stronger.

Coherence and Cohesion

Consider using a wider range of linking devices to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs, increasing the overall coherence.

Coherence and Cohesion

Maintain consistency in your essay structure to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations.

Task Achievement

The essay successfully addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing the causes and effects of obesity clearly.

Coherence and Cohesion

You've done well in structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
sedentary
genetic predisposition
exacerbated
nutrient-deficient
caloric intake
socioeconomic factors
psychological factors
chronic diseases
discrimination
healthcare costs
stigma

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In the current society, many people are struggling with obesity. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

Your opinion

Parents can punish their children when they do something wrong, agree or not?

n1) Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

in some countries, younger people are neglecting their right to vote. what problems does this cause and what are some of possible solutions?

Some people think everyone should be a vegtarian , becouse we do not need to eat meat to stay helthy . To waht extent do you agree or disagree