IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that books should be stopped in school and that videos, films and computers should be used instead. To what extent do you agree?

#people #books #school #videos #films #computers
There has been quite an obvious discussion around the topic of digital
education
 material in school.
While
 some people believe that we
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 use e-books in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classes
instead
 of hard copy
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
. I would argue that there
is
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are
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 some points that we should take
in
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into
show examples
 account. I will explain my reason in the following paragraphs. There is no doubt that in
this
 modern world, Many books may be replaced with digital media
as well as
education
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educational
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book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
, As it is more
convinenice
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convenience
 to access from
user
Correct article usage
the user
show examples
 no matter where you are or when you want.
For instance
, student can easily access
lesson
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lessons
show examples
 from their
moblie
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mobile
while
 they are travelling to
shcool
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school
 or they can review anytime they want without carrying the actual
book
.
As a result
, Student could spend their free time reading the
book
 easier.
However
, it is worth pointing out that not everyone can
efford
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afford
 electronic
device
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devices
show examples
 what is the key tool to use those e-books
.
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?
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This
 is
base
Wrong verb form
based
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 on the fact that there are many
student
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students
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face
Correct pronoun usage
who face
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 financial
issue
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issues
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. if they have to spend more budget on
education
 purpose, they cannot
efford
Correct your spelling
afford
 that.
For example
, In
Thailand
Add a comma
Thailand,
show examples
 there is a free
education
center
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centre
show examples
 for
poorvity
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poor
childen
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children
 in
outskirt
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the outskirt
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 by
using
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
Add an article
the book
a book
show examples
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
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 to
educate
Correct pronoun usage
educate them
show examples
. Those children cannot even
effort
Correct your spelling
afford
show examples
 for
education
fee
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fees
show examples
,
how
Correct word choice
so how
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 can their parents support
such
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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electronic things for their child
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
To sum up
, we can observe that there are few
merit
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merits
show examples
 of
chaging
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changing
 books to digital material in school but we cannot look
pass
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past
show examples
 the
poorvety
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poverty
poorest
 children that may affect
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
 change so, i could not agree
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
stagement
Correct your spelling
statement
.
Submitted by v.mahatkomol on

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Task Achievement
Try to make your introduction clearer by stating your opinion directly and summarizing your main points. This will provide a stronger foundation for your argument.
Task Achievement
Although your essay presents relevant examples, enhancing the specificity and relevance of these examples will strengthen your argument. Consider including more detailed situations or data to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay flows quite well from one paragraph to the next, but using more cohesive devices could improve the logical flow even further. Consider phrases that signal contrasts, additions, or conclusions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to ensure your argument is presented as clearly as possible. Errors such as 'efford' instead of 'afford', and 'poorvity' instead of 'poverty' can distract the reader from your main points.
Content
You've chosen relevant examples to support your argument, such as the accessibility of e-books for students during their commute to school and the financial challenges faced by students in accessing electronic devices.
Content
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and the reasons behind it, creating a clear endpoint to your argument.
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