IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. others believe that children who are tauht to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both the viewsand give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, in a competitive society, few people think that preparing students since there was young would be great for them to read when they grow up. Others said teaching them to have teamwork skills is great for kids as well.
Thus
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, I totally believe the advantage of both arguments is impacts children when they turn to be adults.
To begin
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 with, the overpopulation issue today affects with high unemployment rate which leads to high
competition
Use synonyms
 for jobs.
Therefore
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, preparing pupils to have a sense of
competition
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 may have benefits and have the foundation for dealing with emotions if they don't achieve their goals. On the one hand, even in the present highly competitive society connection remains essential.
Hence
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, encouraging minors to cooperate is having profits with them because it coaches them to help each other with the same aims.
On the other hand
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, a variety of juvenile
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 a lot of time practising and preparing themself to be ready for the
competition
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 whether it is in academics or sport. Previous effects on their physical health
such
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 as physical fatigue caused by insufficient rest;
moreover
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, if some youth can't succeed it will impact their emotions some pupils have trauma with the kind of things they hope for and not daring to try again.
In contrast
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, teaching students to work and cooperate can coach children to learn about unity in working and supporting each other.
To sum up
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,
competition
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 can help them to succeed in the future and cooperation will help them to know unity and teamwork skills.
Accordingly
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, balancing adolescents to have both senses will have a great effect on them in the future.

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task achievement
Your essay includes all aspects of the task, providing a clear response, but there are points where the ideas could be more comprehensive. Try to expand on your arguments with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on smooth transitions between ideas to enhance the logical structure of your essay. Consider linking your paragraphs with clearer transition sentences.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. This will better illustrate the arguments and enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a clear framework for your essay. You've successfully outlined the main arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints in the prompt, showing a good understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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