choosing an immune field is important in health care, explain how you tend to this

#field #health #care

Is the immune

system

important in our life? Immunity is one of the most effective

health

of our bodies. It measures the body's protection against diseases. In

this

statement, we will discuss the main common reasons to choose to study an immune

system

. Since 2019, the variety of viruses has increased worldwide, affecting the body's

health

For example

, the pandemic of COVID-19 caused many deaths. It caused an outbreak of mortality.

For

this

reason, some research tends to focus on the immunity

field

to solve most

health

problems. So, they have a personal interest and fascination with how the immune

system

protects the body from diseases.

In addition

, there is competition in all medical fields.

However

, the rapid advancements in immunotherapy and vaccine development, offer new hope for treating and preventing diseases.

For instance

, after a crisis of the pandemic, my country opened more than 8 lab research to encourage medical staff to improve their knowledge and skills in the different sections, especially in the immune

system

. The opportunity for interdisciplinary collaboration, integrating knowledge from biology, chemistry, and technology, to innovate in the

field

of immunology.

In addition

, I desire to contribute to public

health

and improve healthcare outcomes through research and development in the

field

of immunology. In conclusion, the immune

system

field

is one of the most impact fields in medical

health

care. Meanwhile, flashing on it can make a big difference in our

health

Submitted by zr.a.r on Tue Apr 02 2024

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Task achievement

Consider elaborating on how studies on the immune system can directly translate into practical healthcare benefits, such as through the development of new treatments or vaccines.

Coherence and cohesion

Work on more logically connected paragraphs and smoother transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of your essay.

General

Proofreading to catch and correct minor grammatical errors can make your writing appear more polished and professional.

Coherence and cohesion

You effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear conclusion, which helps to frame your essay nicely.

Task achievement

Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the importance of the immune system, supported by relevant examples like COVID-19 pandemic.

Task achievement

Your personal interest in contributing to public health through research in immunology adds a compelling and passionate element to your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

237 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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choosing an immune field is important in health care, explain how you tend to this

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries، owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

The illustration below depicts the water cycle, which is the ongoing circulation of water on, above, and below the Earth's surface.

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child, so that all children can read, write and use numbers.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the future ,we will have more and more leisure time as machines replace many of the tasks we do at home and at work.Discuss the challenges and benefits this will bring