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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe having a good teacher is the ultimate recipe for a student success. Others think a the desire to succeed is most important. Discuss both sides ad give your opinion.

#people #teacher #recipe #student #success #desire #ad
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There has been quite an obvious discussion around the topic of a recipe for student success.
While
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 some people believe that having a good teacher is the key, some would say that having the desire to succeed is more important.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides which will be shown in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, there is no doubt that a proper teacher can create an environment of curiosity and engagement, which is essential for meaningful learning.
Moreover
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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specific teachers can provide deeper and more accurate knowledge than self-study or research from online articles.
For instance
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, In Thailand, many parents hire tutors to teach their children one-on-one at their accommodation after school time, as they can draw personalized attention and
also
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 provide lessons to each student's needs.
On the other hand
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, it is worth pointing out that inner desire can drive students to alternative education opportunities, which is crucial to achieving the target, As there are numerous ways to study these days and enormous useful materials online which could be researched by anyone.
In addition
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, the desire to succeed is inherent and cannot be taught.
For example
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,
this
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 is based on the fact that learner who cannot afford personalized tutors spend their free time in
library
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the library
a library
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 to improve
academic
Correct pronoun usage
their academic
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 skills. The exam result is not significantly different from students who have a tutor. In my opinion, having a proper teacher is important, as they can build a good environment and draw attention from students, but the eagerness to succeed is
also
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 vital as it is Individual and cannot be taught.
Submitted by v.mahatkomol on

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Grammar & Structure
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity.
Argument Development
Consider expanding on how each aspect contributes to student success for a more balanced argument.
Coherence
Use transitional phrases to improve the flow between sections.
Introduction & Balance
You have effectively introduced the topic and provided a balanced discussion on both sides.
Examples
The use of specific examples, like the situation in Thailand, adds depth to your arguments.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly encapsulates your personal stance on the matter, providing closure to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized attention
  • tailoring
  • fosters
  • curiosity
  • engagement
  • deep knowledge
  • inherent
  • educational opportunities
  • self-motivated
  • self-study
  • inner drive
  • self-discipline
  • time management
  • academic success
  • professional success
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