The debate exists on whether young people should have the freedom to select their own profession or if they should adopt a pragmatic approach, considering their future more seriously. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, we cannot deny the fact that the right choice affects our whole life, especially the choice of our
career
. There are two categories of people who advocate that the young population should have freedom in terms of selecting a
career
and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
a pragmatic approach to future
jobs
. In
this
essay, I will discuss both sights and conclude with my opinion.
Firstly
, all humans are unique and some individuals have creative and critical skills and talent which can help to produce novel ideas and innovative solutions in different directions. All these skills require
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passion, without passion people cannot gain innovative technology, techniques, tools etc.
For example
, one of the genius scientists, Mary Curie discovered the radioactive element radium, which is nowadays used in medicine.
Secondly
, a pragmatic approach has
also
a crucial role in a
career
path
as well as
financial sustainability. More parents guide their offspring to choose
jobs
in terms of economic security. The occupations
such
as doctors, lawyers, engineers, and architects are in a trend
due to
demands, salary and meaning in the society. All these professions have status and more parents opt for these for their kids.
Nevertheless
, these
jobs
have their disadvantages.
For example
, to achieve these
jobs
students have to spend more money, time, effort, attention and others. The path of the above-mentioned sometimes demands several years to be an expert in their fields.
For instance
, to work as a doctor in my country, young people spend about 12 years studying to
then
practice in hospitals.
Overall
, our chosen
career
path depends on our personal skills, characters and relatives, but our work has to lead to fulfilment and success in our lives.
Submitted by shani.menglieva.94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay has a good structure, but work on making the introduction clearer by briefly summarizing both views. In the conclusion, restate the key points discussed and your own opinion more definitively.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow by using more transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas. This will guide the reader more effectively through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph strictly adheres to one main idea to avoid any confusion. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
task response
You provide relevant examples to support your points, such as the example of Marie Curie and the discussion on the occupation of doctors.
task response
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanations, giving depth to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with a clear separation of ideas into paragraphs and a logical progression.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • empowers
  • fulfilling careers
  • personal satisfaction
  • job security
  • potential earnings
  • market demand
  • pragmatic choice
  • stability
  • secure future
  • intertwining
  • emerging market trends
  • innovation
  • ecosystem
  • guidance
  • skill development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: