IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sport
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 opine that dangerous sports should be forbidden. Others state that it is up to you. I am the person who agrees with the second one, and I will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 point of view in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 paragraphs. To start with, banning those sports may result in some problems.
For example
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, diving is a pretty risky sport. If
people
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 stop doing that, we will not have that sort of talented
people
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 in the future. Why do we need that kind of
people
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? Because they can rescue someone in the ocean, sea, lake, and so on. Firefighters and special force members are trained in many types of serious environments. They are helping
people
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.
Therefore
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, I support that we can choose to do it or not. Juveniles are easily affected by peers.
As a result
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, they are more likely to do some things which are considered adventures.
However
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, those are the things with lots of hazards,
such
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 as speed riding, fighting, parkour, and so forth. Every year, some youngsters pass away because of participating in one sport. I think maybe it is a good idea to limit it
for
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to
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 teenagers. All ages could take part in these exercises.
However
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, adolescents are the most serious age group. In a nutshell, some
people
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 like to take risks and do those for fun. Some
people
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 became professional players and trainers. And those athletes could be good at saving others from danger.
However
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, young adults are the ages that like to put them
in
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at
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 risk. And they are not well prepared for doing those sports.
Thus
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, many of them were gone. I think governments should discuss
this
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 and make laws for it.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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Structure and Cohesion
Ensure a clear distinction between paragraphs for developing distinct ideas. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to aid in the smooth progression of thoughts.
Lexical Resource
Integrate more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and engagement in your essay.
Task Response
While supporting your viewpoint, it’s beneficial to explore the opposing perspective more thoroughly to create a balanced argument.
Task Response
You provided a clear opinion and rationale for your stance, enhancing the task response.
Structure and Cohesion
The essay structure (introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion) is well organized, facilitating a coherent and cohesive flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
You successfully incorporated specific examples to illustrate your points, aiding task achievement.
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