Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to travel or to have an experience from works. Do you think advantage outweigh disadvantages

There is no denying that there are a number of
students
who prefer taking a
year
off after finishing school by going
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
or finding themselves on what they acquire to accomplish their goals. It seems to me that
this
trend would contribute
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
number of positive results.
However
,
this
essay will discuss both aspects in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, the negative impact
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
having a gap
year
is that the student may feel lazy and do not want to get back to study. As can be
seen
Add a comma
seen,
show examples
there are a number of people who would rather choose to be employed than
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
back to study since they could earn more income by themselves. To
be illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrate
show examples
, it goes without saying that money plays a crucial role in
this
era. All too often, if the
students
are able to work and receive the salary, they will believe that studying is not necessary anymore.
As a result
, trying to go back
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
education is likely to be an impossible option for many
students
as they would feel it could waste their time for making money.
On the other hand
, despite resulting in negative outcomes,
however
, several benefits could be seen from taking a
year
off. The first
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
decision
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
comfort and relaxation from
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
to other destinations, and the learners would have a chance to explore new cultures and traditional experiences. It is apparently seen that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
to other places which are out from their countries can discover additional thoughts or new observations. Many
students
are able to travel along
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
their own without a rush. Another positive benefit is that the learners could find some
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
in order to make sure that the job they perform possibly
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to their career path in the future.
Moreover
, engaging in work performance before choosing their subject to study can be a way to observe themselves
first,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
the learners could make the decision whether they literally prefer to be employed in
this
position or not.
Therefore
, a
year
off provides various opportunities for
students
in terms of mental health, new
sight
Fix the agreement mistake
sights
show examples
and knowledge. On balance,
this
trend would turn into an experienced knowledge for those who are reluctant to consider their careers in the future. Not only will get
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
environment but
also
strengths or
weakness’
Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses’
show examples
point could be seen from
this
circumstance.
Submitted by jubjangjuda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Be cautious with repetition and try to use synonyms to avoid redundancy. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to ensure that your essay maintains a more academic tone throughout. Avoid colloquial phrases or overly simple expressions.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. This will help make your arguments more compelling and grounded in reality.
general
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. Regular proofreading can help improve the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
You've done a good job balancing both sides of the argument, providing a clear discussion on both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You've used a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the readability and interest of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: