IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that news media nowadays have influenced people's lives in negative ways. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #news #media #lives
There is no denying that people are divided in their opinion regarding that
news
media
 currently have affected
social’s
Change noun form
social
show examples
 lives in pessimistic ways.
However
, I personally disagree with the given statement since
this
news
media
 could provide
further
 positive results.
Nevertheless
,
this
 essay will discuss both aspects
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the statement mentioned above in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, the negative consequence of
this
 is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 internet
platforms
 are not safe and likely to provide disinformation. As can be
seen
Add a comma
seen,
show examples
 some individuals gaining misinformation from
this
 social
media
 might not
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 the truth. It cannot be denied that over the past few years, the government has been informed that there are a large number of people who have
affected
Add a missing verb
been affected
show examples
 by online
platforms
: fraud, violence, or have received exaggerated
news
.
On the other hand
, despite its drawbacks,
however
, there are various benefits from
this
 trend. First and foremost,
this
 type of
media
 usually provides fast and
real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
show examples
 information
as well as
 more convenience.
Also
, the
platforms
, including Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram, are usually well-known and popular to a wide range of audiences across the world in
this
 era, which deliver the
news
 to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
these audiences in time and far faster, compared to conventional
media
such
 as newspapers. Another point worth considering is
news
media
 coverage makes individuals
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
aware of events around the world.
For example
,
this
 trend is possibly likely to have a summary of
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
news
offering
Wrong verb form
offered
show examples
 to the audiences who are
inconvenient
Replace the word
inconvenienced
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 reading the newspaper or those who have less time to consume the
news
.
Therefore
,
media
platforms
 are likely to be the best sources to help them reach the events for both in their countries and other nations. On balance,
while
 it is true to say that
news
media
 will provide a few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drawbacks to people, in fact, I truly believe these are outweighed by
numerous
Correct article usage
the numerous
show examples
 advantages
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 accessing
this
media
 through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social channels in
this
 era.
Submitted by jubjangjuda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance your score further, try incorporating more specific examples and studies to support your points. This will add depth to your argument and make your essay more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to proofread for minor grammatical errors or typos to maintain the fluency and coherence of your work.
General
Consider varying your sentence structures more to showcase a wider range of grammatical constructions. This can also make your essay more engaging for readers.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a well-balanced view on the topic, discussing both the negative impacts and the positive benefits of news media effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
You demonstrated good logical flow between paragraphs, with clear transitions that aid in understanding the progression of your ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a clear overview of your viewpoint and summarizing your arguments succinctly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: