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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below show the mortality by the age

The chart below show the mortality by the age
The bar charts below demonstrate the percentage of how many people died in Africa by sex and
age
Use synonyms
 from 1950 to 2010. The
mortality
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rate
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 by
age
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 shows a similar pattern, gradually declining throughout the eras. Ages over 61 die the most, and ages between 21 to 30 die the least.
Age
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 between 31 to 40 significantly decreased from over 50% to around 30%,
while
Linking Words
 the other reduced 10% at most. In the
rate
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 of gender,
males
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 had a higher
mortality
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rate
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 than females. The
mortality
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rate
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 of
males
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 decreased from almost 40% to 23%, close to females, at 23% in 2010. Compared to
males
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, the female
rate
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 does not have great differences, decreasing less than 10%.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
mortality
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rate
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 decreased over time, regardless of gender or
age
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.
Males
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 tend to have a higher death
rate
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 than females, and the
age
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 above 61 comprised the highest portion all over the time.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, mortality, rate, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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