IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say that travel helps us to appreciate other cultures. How true is this statement? Do you think that people who travel a lot appreciate other cultures more than those who stay at home?

#people #travel #cultures #home
It is opined by a number of people that visiting other countries helps us to value foreign nations. I firmly agree with them. In
this
 essay, I plan to explore a few thoughts of mine to substantiate my opinion
along with
 specific examples.
Firstly
, those who prefer to stay in their native places have a chance to see only the traditions and habits that characterize the local society.
For example
, an attitude towards women is one of the prominent phenomena which can differ from one part of the world to another depending on the religion there. If a woman, who may be treated unfairly in her own land, does not go abroad, she might be not even aware of civil attitudes in other places.
Secondly
, individuals who travel a lot can learn new abilities and bring them to their homes enlarging the local civilizations.
For instance
, historically, traders first saw
then
 learned how foreigners do certain activities
such
 as farming, fishing and many others, and brought
this
 to their lands, and
this
 helped to distribute these particular cultures. Without a doubt, if tradesmen had not learned to grow plants
such
 as potatoes, humanity might not have known about their existence until now.
Moreover
, if tourists like a country, they would do
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 their friends to go there and visit it again. In conclusion,
although
 there are individuals who argue the fact that travelling helps
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
 become familiar with other lifestyles, I still believe that the more parts of our planet we visit the more we appreciate the ways of life of native
habitants
Correct your spelling
habitats
show examples
.
Submitted by ruben.kirakosyan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay followed this structure well, making your arguments easy to follow.
Language use
Aim for a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate language flexibility and to keep the reader engaged.
Content
Use specific examples to support your points. Your examples were relevant and effectively illustrated your arguments.
Conclusion
Consider developing your conclusion further by summarizing your main points more comprehensively, reinforcing the strength of your position.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, providing a clear stance on the issue.
Examples
You've utilized relevant examples to support your arguments, making your essay more persuasive.
Coherence & Logic
Good job maintaining coherence throughout the essay with a logical flow of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • exposes
  • directly
  • appreciate
  • appreciation
  • respect
  • open-mindedness
  • adaptability
  • navigate
  • social norms
  • lifestyles
  • diversity
  • interactions
  • stereotypes
  • preconceived notions
  • nuanced
  • shift attitudes
  • aesthetic
  • landscapes
  • architectures
  • engagement
  • superficial
  • commercialized
  • conscious
  • respectful
What to do next:
Look at other essays: