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Band 5

Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and caused to helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for this statement & give your opinion

#blood #sports #topic #debate #years #society #activity #animals #arguments
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Sports
Use synonyms
 which involve
animals
Use synonyms
 were quite popular in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ancient times. It is a
debtable
Correct your spelling
debatable
 topic that society considers bloodsports a cruel act as
animals
Use synonyms
 are harmed and killed just for the sake of entertainment. So it is suggested that a complete ban should be imposed on
this
Linking Words
 activity. Well, I personally believe
this
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 given viewpoint and
this
Linking Words
 essay will highlight the backing reasons in the subsequent paragraphs. The foremost reason why animal
sports
Use synonyms
 should be banned is that
animals
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 have the right to live on the earth. In the past times,
this
Linking Words
 activity was extremely popular among
royalities
Correct your spelling
royalties
 to showcase their power and competitions for
bull fighting
Correct your spelling
bullfighting
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had been
Wrong verb form
were
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 held between various groups which led to lots of
blood shed
Correct your spelling
bloodshed
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 among
animals
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. Even if, many people were concerned about
this
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 act
but
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kings and princes of those times were not willing to leave
this
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 sport and eventually
animals
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 would slowly
gave
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give
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 up on life
while
Linking Words
 enduring pain during the competitions.
Thus
Linking Words
, bloodsports are not only against the rights of
animals
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 its highly painful for
the
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apply
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innocent creatures so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 should be banned properly. Many birds which are involved in the game are on the verge of extinction is
the
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apply
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another reason why
such
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 events should be prohibited. In London, the famous sport was to
hung
Change the verb
hang
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 the bird on
rope
Add an article
the rope
a rope
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 and the king
while
Linking Words
 riding on the horse would snatch the hanging bird but
this
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 activity led to the extinction of some birds
such
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 as
goose
Correct article usage
the goose
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.
Also
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, extensive fishing has elevated the risk of extinction of some fish species which in turn will disturb the life cycle of the earth.
Therefore
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, the more the control on these
sports
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, the lesser the birds and aquatic
animals
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 would disappear.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it can be inferred that no doubt, blood
sports
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 uncultured act of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
animals
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 have equal rights as
of
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apply
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humans to live on
this
Linking Words
 earth and the endangered species can be saved by blocking
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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sports
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 so that these creatures could be saved.
Submitted by navkiranji on

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Language
Ensure variety in sentence structures and use a range of vocabulary to enhance expression and clarity.
Development
Consider developing your arguments further with more detailed examples and explanations in each paragraph to strengthen your position.
Positioning
Make sure your opinion is clear throughout your essay. Although you did state your opinion, reinforcing it at strategic points throughout may strengthen your overall argument.
Content
You've presented a clear argument against blood sports with a well-structured essay that covers the topic comprehensively.
Structure
Your essay provides a logical flow of ideas and you've effectively used paragraphs to organize your thoughts.
Language
You've demonstrated an ability to use a range of vocabulary related to the topic, which enriches your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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