Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and caused to helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for this statement & give your opinion

#blood #sports #topic #debate #years #society #activity #animals #arguments

Sports

which involve

animals

were quite popular in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

ancient times. It is a

debtable

Correct your spelling

debatable

topic that society considers bloodsports a cruel act as

animals

are harmed and killed just for the sake of entertainment. So it is suggested that a complete ban should be imposed on

this

activity. Well, I personally believe

this

given viewpoint and

this

essay will highlight the backing reasons in the subsequent paragraphs. The foremost reason why animal

sports

should be banned is that

animals

have the right to live on the earth. In the past times,

this

activity was extremely popular among

royalities

Correct your spelling

royalties

to showcase their power and competitions for

bull fighting

Correct your spelling

bullfighting

show examples

had been

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

held between various groups which led to lots of

blood shed

Correct your spelling

bloodshed

show examples

among

animals

. Even if, many people were concerned about

this

act

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

kings and princes of those times were not willing to leave

this

sport and eventually

animals

would slowly

gave

Change the verb form

give

show examples

up on life

while

enduring pain during the competitions.

Thus

, bloodsports are not only against the rights of

animals

but

also

its highly painful for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

innocent creatures so

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

should be banned properly. Many birds which are involved in the game are on the verge of extinction is

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

another reason why

such

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

events should be prohibited. In London, the famous sport was to

hung

Change the verb

hang

show examples

the bird on

rope

Add an article

the rope

a rope

show examples

and the king

while

riding on the horse would snatch the hanging bird but

this

activity led to the extinction of some birds

such

goose

Correct article usage

the goose

show examples

Also

, extensive fishing has elevated the risk of extinction of some fish species which in turn will disturb the life cycle of the earth.

Therefore

, the more the control on these

sports

, the lesser the birds and aquatic

animals

would disappear.

To conclude

, it can be inferred that no doubt, blood

sports

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

Change the article

show examples

uncultured act of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

Nonetheless

animals

have equal rights as

Change preposition

apply

show examples

humans to live on

this

earth and the endangered species can be saved by blocking

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

sports

so that these creatures could be saved.

Submitted by navkiranji on Wed Apr 03 2024

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Language

Ensure variety in sentence structures and use a range of vocabulary to enhance expression and clarity.

Development

Consider developing your arguments further with more detailed examples and explanations in each paragraph to strengthen your position.

Positioning

Make sure your opinion is clear throughout your essay. Although you did state your opinion, reinforcing it at strategic points throughout may strengthen your overall argument.

Content

You've presented a clear argument against blood sports with a well-structured essay that covers the topic comprehensively.

Structure

Your essay provides a logical flow of ideas and you've effectively used paragraphs to organize your thoughts.

Language

You've demonstrated an ability to use a range of vocabulary related to the topic, which enriches your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

339 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and caused to helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for this statement & give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays many people choose to be self- employed rather than to work for a company or organization. Why it might be the case? What could be the disadvantages if being self-employed?

Some people believe that violent media directly results in violent behavior. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people in society believe that having fixed punishment for all crimes is a more efficient way of dealing with criminals in the justice system. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a fixed punishment system?