When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do agree or disagree?

#town #parks #sports #facilities #centers #people #time

this

day and age, public

parks

and sports are important.

However

, there is a more persuasive argument that in my opinion, shopping malls are equally crucial , I will shed light on my viewpoint in the following essay. On the one hand,shopping

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

attract a lot of residents and promote trade and job creation , but the main part of the profits is concentrated

Change preposition

show examples

a few big complaints. Consumer like to spend their free time and their money in shopping malls, because it gives a sensation of affluence and security.

Besides

that, everybody ends up consuming sometimes, poor people are kept away from these places.

Moreover

, more shopping areas than

greens

Fix the agreement mistake

green

show examples

spaces promote

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle and

consumer

Fix the agreement mistake

consumers

show examples

On the other hand

, public

parks

and

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

facilities normally are free of change and are an opportunity to keep in contact with

natural

Replace the word

nature

show examples

and live a healthier life. In the medium and long term ,

this

kind of facility

Correct your spelling

show examples

more significant to towns, and it

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

to promote health and leisure for all social classes. In conclusion, I believe that

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

more important to design public areas for

parks

and places to do sports than building shop areas. The business will find

local

Fix the agreement mistake

locals

show examples

to do their business anyway.

Besides

that, the public power has the responsibility to encourage outdoor activity and a better lifestyle through free public venues like sports facilities and

parks

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Wed Apr 03 2024

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Task Achievement

Consider including more specific examples to further illustrate your points. This will enhance the effectiveness of your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Small errors can distract the reader from your main arguments. For instance, 'free of change' should be 'free of charge', and 'complaints' likely should be 'companies'. Correcting these errors will improve the overall clarity of your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency. While your essay shows some diversity in sentence types, further variety could help to make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a broader range of language skills.

Coherence and Cohesion

Effective use of introduction and conclusion paragraphs to frame your argument. This helps to guide the reader through your essay in a logical and coherent manner.

Task Achievement

Good balance in discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion. This structure is effective for this type of essay and demonstrates an ability to consider multiple viewpoints.

Coherence and Cohesion

Clear overall structure and progression of ideas throughout the essay. This makes your argument easy to follow and understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

234 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals.

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news event.Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

All art needs to be beautiful in order to be valuable. If art is ugly, it is meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.