When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do agree or disagree?
In
this
day and age, public parks
and sports are important. However
, there is a more persuasive argument that in my opinion, shopping malls are equally crucial , I will shed light on my viewpoint in the following essay.
On the one hand,shopping centers
attract a lot of residents and promote trade and job creation , but the main part of the profits is concentrated Change the spelling
centres
in
a few big complaints. Consumer like to spend their free time and their money in shopping malls, because it gives a sensation of affluence and security. Change preposition
on
Besides
that, everybody ends up consuming sometimes, poor people are kept away from these places. Moreover
, more shopping areas than greens
spaces promote Fix the agreement mistake
green
sedentary
lifestyle and Correct article usage
a sedentary
consumer
.
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
On the other hand
, public parks
and sport
facilities normally are free of change and are an opportunity to keep in contact with Change the noun form
sports
natural
and live a healthier life. In the medium and long term , Replace the word
nature
this
kind of facility in
more significant to towns, and it Correct your spelling
is
help
to promote health and leisure for all social classes.
In conclusion, I believe that Change the verb form
helps
are
more important to design public areas for Correct subject-verb agreement
is
parks
and places to do sports than building shop areas. The business will find local
to do their business anyway. Fix the agreement mistake
locals
Besides
that, the public power has the responsibility to encourage outdoor activity and a better lifestyle through free public venues like sports facilities and parks
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on
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Task Achievement
Consider including more specific examples to further illustrate your points. This will enhance the effectiveness of your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Small errors can distract the reader from your main arguments. For instance, 'free of change' should be 'free of charge', and 'complaints' likely should be 'companies'. Correcting these errors will improve the overall clarity of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate your language proficiency. While your essay shows some diversity in sentence types, further variety could help to make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a broader range of language skills.
Coherence and Cohesion
Effective use of introduction and conclusion paragraphs to frame your argument. This helps to guide the reader through your essay in a logical and coherent manner.
Task Achievement
Good balance in discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion. This structure is effective for this type of essay and demonstrates an ability to consider multiple viewpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear overall structure and progression of ideas throughout the essay. This makes your argument easy to follow and understand.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.