IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Development in technology leads to environmental problems and some people think that the solution to these problems is for everyone to lead a simpler way of life, while others say that technology can solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#development #technology #people #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern life, there are many environmental issues because of
progression
Correct article usage
the progression
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 automation. Several individuals believe that everybody
live
Change the verb form
lives
show examples
 in a simple way of life can help to protect the
environment
.
However
, others oppose that
machinary
Correct your spelling
machinery
 can solve these issues. In
this
 essay I would like to discuss both sides in more
retails
Correct your spelling
details
show examples
 before giving
idea
Correct article usage
an idea
show examples
. On one hand,
it is clear that
 individuals choosing
minimalists
Fix the agreement mistake
minimalist
show examples
 living is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 effective way to
less
Replace the word
lessen
show examples
 harm
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the ecosystem. Because they reduce maximum in using unnecessary products.
Moreover
, they
alway
Correct your spelling
always
 try to reuse products as much as possible.
Therefore
,
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
show examples
 life
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to decrease
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the number of rubbish released
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
environment
, but it
also
 helps to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
 from manufactories. Eventually, it solves environmental
proplems
Correct your spelling
problems
 effectively. To illustrate, today, in our communities, there are many
message
Change to a plural noun
messages
show examples
 which call
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
recycle
Add the particle
to recycle
show examples
 products to protect our inhabit.
On the other hand
, several people agree that technology can solve environmental problems. Because Thanking to development of automation has created many modern
machinnes
Correct your spelling
machines
 which help to manage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
waste safely.
Furthermore
, it
also
explore
Change the verb form
explores
show examples
 new fuels which is friendly
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our ecosystem. These play
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important roles in
protection
Replace the word
protecting
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
For instance
, recently,
electrical
Replace the word
electric
show examples
 cars have been
starting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 very popular worldwide because they use
electric
Replace the word
electricity
show examples
instead
 of petrol.
This
 has a major contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 environmental protection. In conclusion, I think that environmental harm from
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of technology is a big issue. What we should do to solve it is combine both of two methods
Change preposition
of
show examples
minimalists
Fix the agreement mistake
minimalist
show examples
 living and making the best technological development in
waste
Add an article
the waste
show examples
 disposal and produce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productions
Replace the word
products
show examples
 which are friendly
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
environment
.
Submitted by writingeilts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar/spelling
Be careful with spelling and grammar. Errors such as 'machinary' instead of 'machinery', 'effectve' instead of 'effective', and 'proplems' instead of 'problems' can slightly hinder clarity but don't substantially detract from the overall understanding.
vocab/complexity
Use a wider variety of complex structures and vocabulary for a higher score. You have a good range, but further variety and precision in language can enhance the quality of your argument.
conclusion development
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion. Your essay has a strong foundation, but a more detailed concluding paragraph summarizing your discussion and stating your opinion clearly could strengthen your position.
task response
You presented both views on the topic in a balanced manner before providing your own opinion, showcasing a strong understanding of the task requirements.
logical structure
The logical flow of paragraphs and the use of linking words, such as 'on one hand' and 'on the other hand', contribute to the cohesiveness of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: