IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are moving from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work . What will be the consequences of this ? What solutions can you offer?

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In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era, numerous individuals are Migrating from villages to cities to get work.
Hence
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of villagers are
farmers
Use synonyms
 and they care from
agricultural
Add an article
an agricultural
show examples
 background. But,
due to
Linking Words
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 numbers
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 farm workers there are several consequences which are faced by the world .so, some effects of the given view are
further
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 discussed in the upcoming paragraphs with valid examples and explanations
as well as
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 some solutions to tackle
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
. Discussing the major effects of the
problem
Use synonyms
, the first and prominent one is that,
due to
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 the decrease in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
farmers
Use synonyms
,
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of fruits, vegetables, cereals, and
many
Change the quantifier
much
show examples
 more essential
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 to sustain living
begins
Verb problem
apply
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as humans and animals may
dropped
Change the verb form
drop
be dropped
show examples
 down in numbers .
As a result
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, fewer people will get
food
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
 the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
lack of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
resources
Add a comma
resources,
show examples
 their
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 will
also
Linking Words
 rise up significantly.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people who live in poverty or
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 very less income won't be able to purchase
food
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 may
led
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to death of the folks
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
ever worse they can
committes
Correct your spelling
commit
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as robbery in order to live and provide
food
Use synonyms
 for themselves or their families. Apart from these , the notions all over the world may start a war against each other. In
this
Linking Words
 way, a
lot
Correct your spelling
large
show examples
 number of people will die and numerous countries will be destroyed in order to
achieve
Verb problem
obtain
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 from other nations by any
methods
Fix the agreement mistake
method
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
con
Correct your spelling
can
show examples
 be the
consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
show examples
 of the
problem
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, to tackle
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 the authorities should motivate and spread
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 among
farmers
Use synonyms
.
Further
Linking Words
, they should provide
ransom
Add an article
a ransom
show examples
 of money to farm
Correct your spelling
workers
show examples
workes
Correct your spelling
workers
show examples
, so they will not migrate to other towns to look for work
as well as
Linking Words
 provide
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 quality of farm equipment
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a very little price
this
Linking Words
 will motivate the
farmers
Use synonyms
 in doing farming.
To sum up
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, there are several consequences
such
Linking Words
 as
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
 in the price of
food
Use synonyms
 products and war against each other by nations if folks from agricultural
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
drops
Correct subject-verb agreement
drop
show examples
 in number.
Hence
Linking Words
, the Government must support them by providing various facilities
such
Linking Words
 as
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in their income and
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 farming tools.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical organization of your essay. While your essay demonstrates a structured approach, enhancing the flow through better transitions between paragraphs could improve readability.
Language
Incorporate a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency. While your essay shows capability, diversifying sentence types can further engage the reader.
Task Achievement
Your essay covers the topic comprehensively, addressing both consequences and solutions effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
You’ve made a good effort to organize your ideas logically, with a structured introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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