While social media platforms can have their benefits, using them too much can make you feel increasingly unhappy and decrease your self-esteem in the long run. Discuss with examples.
In today’s world, social
media
has become integral to our daily routines, serving as a means of communication and entertainment. Social networks provide many advantages, whereas
if individuals consume them excessively, they will affect with
Change preposition
apply
your
mental health.
Correct pronoun usage
their
This
article will explore the impact of consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
internet
networks Change preposition
of internet
immoderate
by providing perspectives on the negative aspects. There is various content Correct word choice
apply
in
social networking websites Change preposition
on
such
as one day
vlog with me or luxurious travelling. Most Add a hyphen
one-day
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
in
social Change preposition
on
media
sites provide unrealistic lifestyle
, showing sole optimistic mood, Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
making
individuals compare themselves to influencers, so these can lead to self-dissatisfaction, self-doubt and Correct word choice
and making
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
self-esteem
. Change preposition
in self-esteem
Moreover
, utilization
Correct article usage
the utilization
social
Change preposition
of social
media
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
effect
not only audiences but Correct your spelling
affects
also
the media
producers. In the
online platforms are unrestrained to comments or Change preposition
The
criticizes
and Replace the word
criticism
gave
freedom of speech to viewers. If they are adverse comments, it will lead to many impacts. Wrong verb form
give
For instance
, persistent unfavorable feedback may contribute to feelings of depression, drain
energy and motivation. Correct word choice
and drain
Consequently
, content creators may isolate themselves or withdraw social interacted
from others to avoid criticism, leading to mental health illness.
In conclusion, online communities produce plenty Replace the word
interaction
adverse
Change preposition
of adverse
effect
Change the noun form
effects
such
as self-doubt and depression to both senders
and viewers. Correct your spelling
readers
Therefore
, we should utilize social media
critically.Submitted by fahsaichumteerathum on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Ensure to provide well-structured examples to support your claims. Using specific, real-world instances makes your argument more persuasive and engaging.
Coherence & Cohesion
Aim for variety in sentence structures to enhance readability and make your essay more dynamic.
General
Revisit the essay to correct grammatical inaccuracies and refine word choice for clearer expression.
Task Achievement
You have presented a clear thesis statement, indicating advantages and disadvantages of social media effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents a logical flow of ideas, especially with the transition from introduction to body paragraphs.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion