IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that governments should use the money to provide faster means of public transport, while others are concerned that there are many more important priorities than public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several individuals say that governments should spend money to improve faster means of public transportation;
however
Linking Words
, others think that there are more issues that need to be prioritised than public
vehicles
Use synonyms
. Personally, I agree with both views because of some major reasons which I shall explain in more detail in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
, the government should prioritize investing in faster means of public transport in big
cities
Use synonyms
 because the problems of traffic congestion and pollution from the emission of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 are increasingly serious in these.
This
Linking Words
 causes negative effects on people's physical and mental health.
For example
Linking Words
, In big
cities
Use synonyms
 in my country, Vietnam, people face traffic jams for hours every day after work in peak time. They have to absorb an amount of emission from different
vehicles
Use synonyms
 during that time unexpectedly.
This
Linking Words
 makes citizens feel very tired and just want to stay at home and go to sleep after work.
Consequently
Linking Words
, individuals living in modern
cities
Use synonyms
 in my country is easy to have sick and limited socialization
as well as
Linking Words
 enhancing pressure of travelling.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if the government allocates finance to provide public transport in the countryside where the population is less than in the modern city is not justified because there are many more urgent problems
such
Linking Words
 as a lack of education of youngsters from poor families.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my hometown where the residents are small, only a few
vehicles
Use synonyms
 are on the streets but there are a major number of children coming from problem families needing help to access education.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 case, spending to help children improve their living standards and go to school is more necessary than public transport. In conclusion, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I support that governments should spend money to improve faster means of public transportation in modern
cities
Use synonyms
 where there are big troubles with traffic and pollution.
Additionally
Linking Words
, emphasize investing in other issues
such
Linking Words
 as disadvantageous finance, education, and so on. in rural areas where the population is too little to use public transportation

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is generally effective with clear delineation of ideas, but further development of each paragraph's key points would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
There were a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases (e.g., 'emission of vehicles,' 'is easy to have sick'), which slightly hindered readability. Proofreading for such issues would improve clarity.
task achievement
Ensure to address the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly, as it adds depth and balance to the essay, enhancing its overall effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be rephrased for clearer understanding. For example: 'Consequently, individuals living in modern cities in my country is easy to have sick' should be 'Consequently, individuals living in modern cities in my country are more susceptible to illnesses.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and reiterating the main points.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the situation in Vietnam, add a practical dimension to the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear focus and outlines distinct viewpoints, which helps the reader follow the argumentation.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: