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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museum

The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museum
#visitors #four #museum
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The provided diagram presents data about the
number
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 of
visitors
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 to four international
museums
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 (
Louvre
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, Vatican
Museums
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, London Science
Museum
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, and Shenzhen
Museum
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) from 1980 to 2015. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, the
number
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 of
visitors
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gone
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to
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Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
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 and Vatican
Museums
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 gradually climbing,
while
Linking Words
 visits to
London
Correct article usage
the London
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 Science
Museum
Use synonyms
 were reducing over time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Shenzhen
Museum
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 was visited by approximately the same
number
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 of
visitors
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 in 35 years. Getting back to the details, it is observed,
there
Correct word choice
that there
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 an upward tendency in the
number
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 of
visitors
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 to the
Louvre
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, except
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
between 1995 and 2000. In 1995,
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Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
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Museum
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 was visited
nearly
Change preposition
by nearly
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 less than 8 million people, their
number
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reached
Wrong verb form
will reach
show examples
 a peak of almost more than 9
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, in 2025. The table data clearly shows that at the beginning of the period, as nearly 5 million people visited
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Vatican
museums
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, the
number
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 of
visitors
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 to
this
Linking Words
 place
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 climbing in 35 years and hit a high of approximately 9
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2015. It is clear from the data, visits to
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
 Science
Museum
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 were deteriorating over time even though there
were remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 unchanged
visitors
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, which of 4
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, in the first 5 years.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the period, the
number
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 of
visitors
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 to
this
Linking Words
museum
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were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 less than half the beginning of
this
Linking Words
. As can be seen in the diagram the
number
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 Shenzhen
Museum
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were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 stabilizing, and their numbers were the same
number
Use synonyms
 of nearly just 4 million in 1995 and 2015.
Submitted by sabinanezar93 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors, museums, louvre, museum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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