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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is better for children if the whole family (e.g., aunts, uncles and grandparents) are involved in the children's upbringing rather than their parents.

Some people believe that raising a child should be the responsibility of the entire extended family, not just the
parents
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.
While
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parents
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 clearly play the most central role in a child’s development, I agree that
support
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 from other family
members
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 can bring considerable benefits to a child’s upbringing. On the one hand,
parents
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 are the primary caregivers and have the strongest emotional bond with their
children
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. They are usually more aware of their
children
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's needs, personalities, and
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
, allowing them to guide and discipline their
children
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 effectively.
Moreover
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, parenting is a deeply personal responsibility, and many
parents
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 prefer to shape their
children
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’s values and habits
according to
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 their own beliefs. Having too many family
members
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 involved may sometimes cause inconsistency in rules or confusion for the child, especially if family
members
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 have differing views on discipline or education.
On the other hand
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, the involvement of extended family
members
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 can positively contribute to a child’s emotional and social growth. Grandparents, aunts, and uncles often bring wisdom, life experience, and additional emotional
support
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. In many cultures, they play a key role in passing down traditions, language, and moral values.
Furthermore
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, having a large
support
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 network helps
parents
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 manage the pressures of modern life,
such
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 as work commitments and financial challenges.
For example
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, grandparents can provide childcare
while
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parents
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 are at work, reducing reliance on expensive daycare services and strengthening family bonds at the same time. In conclusion,
while
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parents
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 should remain the primary figures in raising their
children
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, involving the extended family can provide additional
support
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, guidance, and emotional care. The best outcomes occur when families work
together with
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 clear communication and shared values to ensure a stable and loving environment for
children
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.

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to illustrate your points.
coherence
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas for better flow.
task achievement
Consider counterarguments to strengthen your position.
coherence
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage well for your argument.
task achievement
You have good points about the roles of parents and extended family.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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