Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both view
A group of people believe that letting children choose what they want in something that they want like clothes, food and having fun would improve their selfishness.
On the contrary
, the
others think that it is essential to have the right Correct article usage
apply
of making
Change preposition
to make
decision
in childhood because Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
its
Change preposition
of its
affects
. In my opinion, a child needs Correct your spelling
effects
a
freedom in the way of living and sharing its tastes like Remove the article
apply
other human being
in everyday matters.
Children who can make a decision about their needs are more confident. Change the wording
another human being
other human beings
Although
parents have to lead and guide them to make a reasonable choice, they should teach youth the importance of having confidence and telling their own ideas instead
of being quiet and obedience
. If we do not give Replace the word
obedient
this
opportunity to a child to say her/his opinion, it would makes
him/her a potential victim of bullying in Wrong verb form
make
near
future. Correct article usage
the near
For instance
, pupils who are more free to say their thoughts about what they want experience less bullying than those who are shy and raised by method
of obeying Add an article
the method
a method
from
parents in order to what they wear or eat.
Another reason for Change preposition
apply
this
mindset is achieving more
democratic and equal society by teaching children to have their own choices in Correct article usage
a more
every day
matters. Correct your spelling
everyday
Young
generation are the next citizens who can Add an article
The young
defense
their Replace the word
defend
right
in future if they see how they can do it from the early beginning. When they are allowed to be treated as a person respectfully in their preferences and what they want, it can not only improve their sense of identity but Fix the agreement mistake
rights
also
eradicates
any possibility of being a Correct subject-verb agreement
eradicate
deactivate
individual. We are Wrong verb form
deactivated
witness
the impact of these little activities in recent changes in political aspects and societies which Change the form of the verb
witnessing
is
done by recent generations Wrong verb form
have been
for example
[in Iran]. Through this
, world
may be obviously healthier and Add an article
the world
better
place for Correct article usage
a better
human kinds
to live freely with less oppression.
In conclusion, having Correct your spelling
humankind
right
of choice in childhood about what they want as Add an article
the right
a right
hobby
, clothes or food is a vital part of nurturing. Add an article
a hobby
This
is a real protection to defense
themselves Replace the word
defend
form
bullying in school Correct your spelling
from
also
as a civilized person against any dictatorial Correct word choice
and also
behavior
or policy.Change the spelling
behaviour
Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on
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Grammar & Punctuation
Be careful with your grammar and punctuation; small errors can distract from your message. Review subject-verb agreement and the proper use of articles.
Supporting Examples
Expand your examples to make your arguments even stronger. While mentioning bullying and democratic societies is effective, adding specific studies or statistics could enhance your credibility.
Coherence
Pay attention to the coherence of your essay. Use transition words or phrases to ensure a smooth flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
Balanced Viewpoint
Though you've touched on both views, strive to compare and contrast these perspectives more directly within your body paragraphs. This will enrich your discussion.
Task Response
You've effectively outlined both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing your argument effectively.
Relevance of Examples
The examples you've chosen (e.g., the impact of freedom on bullying and the role of choice in creating democratic societies) are compelling and relevant, showing a good grasp of the essay topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
