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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that the biggest problem facing cities is the increasing number of cars. Others say there more serious problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #cities #cars
The excessive amount of cars is one of the biggest
problems
 that metropolitan cities around the world are facing today.
Besides
, there are a few opinions that disagree with that statement because many people think that other
problems
 are more serious. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss my opinion of both views. As a person who lives in
capital
Add an article
the capital
show examples
city
, I feel the most destructive problem that my
city
 has is the increasing amount of cars in the street every day. The traffic jams here in the
city
 are very unfriendly. On average, we have to spend up to 2 hours just to travel 10 kilometres by private car or taxi.
In addition
,
this
 unbelievable traffic occurs
due to
 the lack of public transportation in the
city
.
Consequently
, the majority of people are taking their own vehicles to commute.
Furthermore
, all of these conditions lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 raised level of pollution that will directly affect the lungs' health.
On the other hand
, other
problems
 are
also
aserious
Correct your spelling
serious
a serious
 issues that still remain unsolved.
For example
, a bad schema of water irrigation in a
city
, so that there is a flood occurs around the
city
.
Additionally
, there is still a ghetto in an inappropriate surrounding that will spoil the
city
 layout.
However
, solutions from the government in terms of these
problems
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not
making
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 the
city
 better in recent times. In conclusion, I believe that all cities in
this
 world have their own
problems
 that are different from one another. So, it is all about diverse views of people about their
city
's biggest problem.
Submitted by nadhyra.haninda on

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Introduction
Make sure to introduce both views clearly in your introduction for a stronger setup.
Body content
Consider expanding on how the problems you mention, like traffic congestion and pollution, directly impact city dwellers to enhance task achievement.
Cohesion
Include a wider range of linking words and phrases for smoother transitions and improved coherence.
Argument development
Comparing and contrasting the views before reaching your conclusion would add depth to your discussion.
Conclusion
Ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes the discussion and clearly states your opinion for a more effective closure.
Task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and giving a personal opinion, demonstrating an understanding of the task.
Content development
Main points are well supported with examples, which strengthens the essay's arguments.
Coherence
The logical structure of the essay facilitates an easy follow-through of ideas for the reader.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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