Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

As the number of

university

Use synonyms

applicants continues to rise, a debate has emerged regarding whether

this

Linking Words

growing

competition

Use synonyms

yields positive or negative consequences. In my opinion,

competition

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is positive in

this

Linking Words

case despite the increased emotional burden it engenders. One of the major drawbacks of increased

university

Use synonyms

competition

Use synonyms

is the mounting pressure it places on

students

Use synonyms

. Intense

competition

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often leads to heightened stress

levels

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, anxiety, and mental health issues. Countless

students

Use synonyms

face sleepless nights, burnout, and compromised well-being

due to

Linking Words

the overwhelming pressure to outshine their peers.

For instance

Linking Words

, research conducted by the American Psychological Association revealed that high-stakes academic competitions and examinations can contribute to elevated

levels

Use synonyms

of stress and anxiety disorders.

Consequently

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

negative impact on mental health can hinder

students

Use synonyms

’

overall

Linking Words

development and well-rounded growth.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, intense

competition

Use synonyms

can

also

Linking Words

act as a driving force that motivates

students

Use synonyms

to strive for excellence and unleash their full potential. When faced with a highly competitive environment,

students

Use synonyms

are incentivized to become more focused, disciplined, and goal-oriented. They are

then

Linking Words

more likely to develop a strong work ethic, perseverance, and resilience, which are essential qualities for success in various aspects of life. There is,

therefore

Linking Words

,an increased likelihood that

students

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who have overcome intense

competition

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during their

university

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admissions process will display higher

levels

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of determination and tenacity in their future endeavours, leading to potentially greater achievements in their careers. In conclusion, escalating

competition

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for

university

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admission increases stress

levels

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among

students

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, yet more importantly, fosters personal growth. Individuals must learn methods to manage their anxiety as it will prepare them for greater achievement later in life as well.

nttung.182

Apr 4, 2024

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Example Development

To further improve your score, try integrating more specific and varied examples to support your points. Though the examples provided are relevant, incorporating a broader range of evidence could strengthen your argument even further.

Broadening Perspective

Consider expanding on how the increased competition affects not just the individual but society at large. This could provide a more comprehensive response to the topic, showcasing a deeper level of understanding and analysis.

Transitions

Work on ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs. While your essay demonstrates a logical structure, enhancing the flow with more connective phrases can increase clarity and cohesion.

Introduction & Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively framing your argument.

Supported Main Points

You've shown a good ability to develop your main points with supportive arguments, contributing to a coherent and compelling narrative.

Task Engagement

Your essay engages with the task directly, providing a balanced view on the topic with a clear position throughout.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

academic achievements
foster
culture of excellence
merit-based system
dedicated
educational institutions
quality education
future workforce
stress and pressure
fierce competition
mental health
anxiety
depression
burnout
tertiary education
less privileged backgrounds
exacerbate
social inequality
drives innovation
programs and facilities
overemphasis
creativity
critical thinking
ethical judgment

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Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays,a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negetive development?

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective. Comics, books, radio, television, film, theatre

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?