Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

As the number of
university
applicants continues to rise, a debate has emerged regarding whether
this
growing
competition
yields positive or negative consequences. In my opinion,
competition
is positive in
this
case despite the increased emotional burden it engenders. One of the major drawbacks of increased
university
competition
is the mounting pressure it places on
students
. Intense
competition
often leads to heightened stress
levels
, anxiety, and mental health issues. Countless
students
face sleepless nights, burnout, and compromised well-being
due to
the overwhelming pressure to outshine their peers.
For instance
, research conducted by the American Psychological Association revealed that high-stakes academic competitions and examinations can contribute to elevated
levels
of stress and anxiety disorders.
Consequently
,
this
negative impact on mental health can hinder
students
overall
development and well-rounded growth.
On the other hand
, intense
competition
can
also
act as a driving force that motivates
students
to strive for excellence and unleash their full potential. When faced with a highly competitive environment,
students
are incentivized to become more focused, disciplined, and goal-oriented. They are
then
more likely to develop a strong work ethic, perseverance, and resilience, which are essential qualities for success in various aspects of life. There is,
therefore
,an increased likelihood that
students
who have overcome intense
competition
during their
university
admissions process will display higher
levels
of determination and tenacity in their future endeavours, leading to potentially greater achievements in their careers. In conclusion, escalating
competition
for
university
admission increases stress
levels
among
students
, yet more importantly, fosters personal growth. Individuals must learn methods to manage their anxiety as it will prepare them for greater achievement later in life as well.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Example Development
To further improve your score, try integrating more specific and varied examples to support your points. Though the examples provided are relevant, incorporating a broader range of evidence could strengthen your argument even further.
Broadening Perspective
Consider expanding on how the increased competition affects not just the individual but society at large. This could provide a more comprehensive response to the topic, showcasing a deeper level of understanding and analysis.
Transitions
Work on ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs. While your essay demonstrates a logical structure, enhancing the flow with more connective phrases can increase clarity and cohesion.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively framing your argument.
Supported Main Points
You've shown a good ability to develop your main points with supportive arguments, contributing to a coherent and compelling narrative.
Task Engagement
Your essay engages with the task directly, providing a balanced view on the topic with a clear position throughout.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievements
  • foster
  • culture of excellence
  • merit-based system
  • dedicated
  • educational institutions
  • quality education
  • future workforce
  • stress and pressure
  • fierce competition
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • burnout
  • tertiary education
  • less privileged backgrounds
  • exacerbate
  • social inequality
  • drives innovation
  • programs and facilities
  • overemphasis
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • ethical judgment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: