Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

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As the number of
university
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applicants continues to rise, a debate has emerged regarding whether
this
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growing
competition
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yields positive or negative consequences. In my opinion,
competition
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is positive in
this
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case despite the increased emotional burden it engenders. One of the major drawbacks of increased
university
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competition
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is the mounting pressure it places on
students
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. Intense
competition
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often leads to heightened stress
levels
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, anxiety, and mental health issues. Countless
students
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face sleepless nights, burnout, and compromised well-being
due to
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the overwhelming pressure to outshine their peers.
For instance
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, research conducted by the American Psychological Association revealed that high-stakes academic competitions and examinations can contribute to elevated
levels
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of stress and anxiety disorders.
Consequently
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,
this
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negative impact on mental health can hinder
students
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overall
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development and well-rounded growth.
On the other hand
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, intense
competition
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can
also
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act as a driving force that motivates
students
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to strive for excellence and unleash their full potential. When faced with a highly competitive environment,
students
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are incentivized to become more focused, disciplined, and goal-oriented. They are
then
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more likely to develop a strong work ethic, perseverance, and resilience, which are essential qualities for success in various aspects of life. There is,
therefore
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,an increased likelihood that
students
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who have overcome intense
competition
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during their
university
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admissions process will display higher
levels
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of determination and tenacity in their future endeavours, leading to potentially greater achievements in their careers. In conclusion, escalating
competition
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for
university
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admission increases stress
levels
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among
students
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, yet more importantly, fosters personal growth. Individuals must learn methods to manage their anxiety as it will prepare them for greater achievement later in life as well.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

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Example Development
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Broadening Perspective
Consider expanding on how the increased competition affects not just the individual but society at large. This could provide a more comprehensive response to the topic, showcasing a deeper level of understanding and analysis.
Transitions
Work on ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs. While your essay demonstrates a logical structure, enhancing the flow with more connective phrases can increase clarity and cohesion.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, effectively framing your argument.
Supported Main Points
You've shown a good ability to develop your main points with supportive arguments, contributing to a coherent and compelling narrative.
Task Engagement
Your essay engages with the task directly, providing a balanced view on the topic with a clear position throughout.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievements
  • foster
  • culture of excellence
  • merit-based system
  • dedicated
  • educational institutions
  • quality education
  • future workforce
  • stress and pressure
  • fierce competition
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • burnout
  • tertiary education
  • less privileged backgrounds
  • exacerbate
  • social inequality
  • drives innovation
  • programs and facilities
  • overemphasis
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • ethical judgment
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