IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Cities are becoming overcrowded. What are the causes of this situation, and what can be done to improve this situation?

#cities #situation
Overpopulation in some
cities
 is the major cause of many problems.
This
 essay will examine the main causes of overcrowded in
cities
 and solutions to
this
 problem. The two main reasons for
cities
 being overpopulated are mass migrations, from urban to
city
,
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mankind and
continued
Correct article usage
the continued
show examples
 development of buildings in some
cities
. When humans, massively, move to a big
city
, they will contribute to the rising number of
people
 working, learning, and living in the
city
. It will have a huge impact on
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
 population growth and result in a great amount of
people
 in the
city
.
On the other hand
,
as a result
 of the rising number of
people
, the development of social
infratructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 will escalate to accommodate the society's lifestyle, workplace, and entertainment.
Thus
, big
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 will be overly crowded and hard to handle. The solutions referring to
this
 problem are increasing job expectancies in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 and pursuing accommodations accessibility for everyone in the urban areas. Generally, when job opportunities are rising outside of big
cities
, the intentions will switch, for some
people
, to get a career in that
area
. So that, decreasing migration to the
city
 and increasing movement to the rural
area
. Developing even better rural areas is
also
 important to promote a better living environment and lifestyle. In conclusion, a significant number of
people
 migrating to the
city
 will result in overpopulation in the
area
 and project a bad life expectancy.
Submitted by Raffi Feizal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction clarity
Your introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion, but consider strengthening it by directly responding to the question with a clear thesis statement that outlines your main points.
Use of Examples
In discussing reasons for urban overcrowding, incorporating specific examples or statistics could enhance credibility and provide concrete support for your arguments.
Conclusion development
Try to enhance the clarity and impact of your conclusion by summarizing your key points more precisely and clearly stating your overall stance or recommendation.
Coherence improvement
Your transitions between paragraphs are smooth, but you can further improve coherence by using a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences that clearly signal the main idea of each paragraph.
Task Response
You effectively addressed both parts of the prompt by discussing the causes of city overcrowding and suggesting practical solutions.
Structure
Overall, your essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Understanding
You displayed a good understanding of the topic and provided a clear explanation of the causes and solutions to urban overcrowding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!