IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that television is useful in education, while others say it is useful only for entertainment. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion as to the usefulness of television as an educational tool.

#people #television #education #entertainment #usefulness #tool
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The majority of
people
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 say that television is advantageous in
education
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. Other
people
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 say it is advantageous only for enjoyment.
According to
Linking Words
 myself, it is very enjoyable. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and I give you my opinion. On the one side, nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 are used to them for
entertainment
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. They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
do not want to go out and they can sit and watch everything all over the ward.
Therefore
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 they addict it. There are have variety of
entertainment
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.
Such
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 as movies, and video games, all over the ward news and advertisement.
Therefore
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, nowadays, children and adults get addicted to it and they don't want to get good side it.
For example
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, some students after schools watch TV like the cartoon Tom and Jerry they don't want to do anything about another thing. The other major case is those who start to watch television may not close it. They spend a lot of time with them. it has killed
people
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 many times and they do not have time even with families.
Therefore
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, it is family bonding and love is lost.
For instance
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, some family's parents
more
Add a missing verb
are more
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 and more addicted to watching international movies. Even they bring food
for
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apply
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out and give it to children so they watch movies.
As a result
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, it is killed family bonds.in
this
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 way,
people
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 can have more
entertainment
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 too.
On the other hand
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, they can use it for
education
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it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can be more beneficial. There are a lot of
education
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 programs and there is a lot of titers variety of subjects.
For example
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, these days many videos running for IELTS because it is very interesting these days. In
this
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 way,
people
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 can take more
education
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 side too. In conclusion, in
this
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 way,
people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can use television in many ways. In my opinion,
people
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 use more
entertainment
Use synonyms
 than
education
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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Structure
Consider organizing your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for introduction, each view, and conclusion. This will enhance readability and coherence.
Content
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly state the main idea. This will make your arguments more coherent and easier to follow.
Language
Try to avoid repeating words or phrases. Using synonyms or paraphrasing can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
Grammar
Be wary of grammatical errors and strive for correct sentence structure, verb tense accuracy, and punctuation. Frequent errors can distract from your message.
Task Achievement
You've successfully addressed both views as well as provided your own opinion, fulfilling the task requirement.
Content
You've included examples and reasons in your discussion, which helps support your arguments.
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