Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing ( for example, through cellphone tracking amd security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In contemporary, advanced technological devices are used to keep citizens under control and informed about their daily
lives
in a hidden way.
Although
this
leads to the loss of personal privacy rights, I believe that monitoring helps to avoid serious crimes and improves the security of human beings. Being controlled by technology, individuals may face several detrimental consequences since the private
lives
of citizens are not secured.
First,
professional hackers from other countries can easily break into the system or
people
's bank accounts and steal
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
large sums of money in a split second.
For example
, as it is required to fill out personal data before starting to use any gadgets, it gives a chance to cybercriminals to access personal profiles easily and steal private information.
Moreover
, once
people
are tracked through mobile phones, they lose the freedom to express their opinions about various topics, like the political or governing system of society.
Therefore
, we should be aware of the results caused by hidden cameras or controlling devices. Turning to the benefits of modern breakthroughs, they ensure the safety of
people
's
lives
. If criminal activities like human kidnapping, drug trading, or vandalism occur in public places with local
people
, these developments will tackle the issue with definite proof.
In addition
, police can easily find the person who lost or was kidnapped and forget about their address in the case of senior citizens.
As a consequence
, the community can enjoy their
lives
without worrying about their safety since security has improved. In conclusion, even though keeping track of a person's daily life
technological
Change preposition
with technological
show examples
appliances brings on losing personal privacy and being hacked, I suspect that it will maintain the protection of well-being by avoiding crucial crimes.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Introduction
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Coherence
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Supporting Evidence
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Conclusion
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Content
You have effectively outlined the advantages and disadvantages of technology being used to monitor people.
Structure
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Examples
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