Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing ( for example, through cellphone tracking amd security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In contemporary, advanced technological devices are used to keep citizens under control and informed about their daily

lives

in a hidden way.

Although

this

leads to the loss of personal privacy rights, I believe that monitoring helps to avoid serious crimes and improves the security of human beings. Being controlled by technology, individuals may face several detrimental consequences since the private

lives

of citizens are not secured.

First,

professional hackers from other countries can easily break into the system or

people

's bank accounts and steal

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

large sums of money in a split second.

For example

, as it is required to fill out personal data before starting to use any gadgets, it gives a chance to cybercriminals to access personal profiles easily and steal private information.

Moreover

, once

people

are tracked through mobile phones, they lose the freedom to express their opinions about various topics, like the political or governing system of society.

Therefore

, we should be aware of the results caused by hidden cameras or controlling devices. Turning to the benefits of modern breakthroughs, they ensure the safety of

people

lives

. If criminal activities like human kidnapping, drug trading, or vandalism occur in public places with local

people

, these developments will tackle the issue with definite proof.

In addition

, police can easily find the person who lost or was kidnapped and forget about their address in the case of senior citizens.

As a consequence

, the community can enjoy their

lives

without worrying about their safety since security has improved. In conclusion, even though keeping track of a person's daily life

technological

Change preposition

with technological

show examples

appliances brings on losing personal privacy and being hacked, I suspect that it will maintain the protection of well-being by avoiding crucial crimes.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Thu Apr 04 2024

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Introduction

Ensure a clear and direct introduction that outlines your stance and the structure of your essay.

Coherence

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of your essay.

Supporting Evidence

Clarify and elaborate on your main points with specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.

Conclusion

Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarises your argument and reiterates your stance clearly.

Content

You have effectively outlined the advantages and disadvantages of technology being used to monitor people.

Structure

Your essay structure is clear, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Examples

You provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, although further detail could strengthen your argument.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children.To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, more and more children play computer games. Why do you think this is the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarket have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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