IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing ( for example, through cellphone tracking amd security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is a view which is better: that online learning comes with flexibility and with new skills ,
however
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,
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traditional learning provides
real
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real-time
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time
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assist
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assistance
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 and maturing competition. I agree that
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i am
i was
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i
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I
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 in
favor
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favour
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 online education is more congenial learning.
Advantage
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Advantages
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 of learning online: At
the
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apply
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first,
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learning online offers flexibility, convenience, and
cost effectiveness
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cost-effectiveness
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, allowing to
study
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 at their own pace, from anywhere,
for
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example
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example,
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 it’s very functional and appropriate to carry our laptop with us on trips and utilize it for all our online studies, and they don’t have a schedule and can
study
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 online whenever they want. Online learning can
relying
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rely
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 on the students, it’s if they are introverts we know that for them indeed essential online education because they may desire to
self
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self-study
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study
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. There are various advantages to offline learning.
At
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In
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 the first step, it can supply
with
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apply
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time
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assist
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assistance
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.
First
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First,
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 it allows for direct,
face to face
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face-to-face
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 interaction with tutors and peers, fostering better communication.
On the
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The
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 Firsthand off-line
study
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 allows focus without online distractions. on the secondhand interactions with classmates enhance understanding well. On the
thirdhand
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third hand
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 internet connection issues don’t disrupt the offline
study
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. And it can be
useful
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a useful
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 off-line
study
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 for extroverts. In conclusion, period of
time
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 there are many pluses to studying off-line, I consider honest online education
is
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to be
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 more convenient,
the
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and the
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 reason is that
,
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apply
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 it saves
time
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 no matter where it is.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your main argument and ensure it clearly reflects your perspective on the advantages and disadvantages of online vs offline learning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details are well-organized to strengthen your argument.
General
Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and typos to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Lexical Resource
Use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to engage the reader and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both online and traditional learning, which shows good understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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