IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You recently learned that the local council has decided to demolish a particular building in your area. You disagree with this decision and believe the building benefits the community. Write a letter to the local councilor. In your letter •explain what you find valuable about the building. •Suggest what improvements could be made to the building. •Describe how retaining the building could benefit the community as a whole.

#council #area #decision #community #councilor #•explain #•suggest #improvements #•describe #benefit
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to provide some suggestions which regard the recreation centre. I am Sam, currently living in Toronto City in the Woodside neighbourhood for the past twenty-five years. Since my childhood, I always visit the recreation centre to learn about new sports activities. Apart from that, other
people
 who are living in
this
 community frequently visit
this
 activity area to refresh themselves from their stressful lives. Recently, I made a survey, which is regarding the development of the building. Most public are willing to play badminton. So, we request our neighbourhood council to take action on
this
 matter. Apart from that, I personally believe that we need a special activity area for kids.
Hence
, they can avoid injury from adult
people
.
Finally
, I would like to provide some benefits of the building after renovating it.
First,
people
 will transform themselves from fat to fit which is good for their health.
Secondly
,
people
 will get a chance to improve their mental health by communicating with various
people
 which helps them to make decisions with a peaceful mind. I hope you can understand my ideas and I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Sam
Submitted by jeeveshkb22 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider using more cohesive devices to improve the flow between your ideas and paragraphs. This will make your letter even more coherent and easier to follow.
task achievement
To strengthen your task response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. Expand on the suggestion for improvements and the benefits of retaining the building with additional details.
greeting and closing
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, setting a polite and respectful tone suitable for a letter to a local councilor.
single idea per paragraph
You've effectively used paragraphs to separate different ideas, which helps in organizing the content of your letter.
complete response
Your letter addresses the important aspects of the task, providing reasons for the building's value, suggesting improvements, and explaining the benefits of retaining the building to the community.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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