IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the use of mobiles (cell) phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? #people #mobiles

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Cell
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phone
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 has become a part of our lives. It is a highly debatable issue whether
people
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 allowing to
use
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cell
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phone
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 in public places, or whether it should be banned.From my prespective,
this
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 phenomenon leads to adverse impacts and affects the individual's social life. I don't agree that
cell
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phone
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 is not necessary in public place.
This
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, which we discuss in
this
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 essay. ‏Mobile
phone
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 can be a significant source of distraction in public places like libraries and shops.
This
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 can lead to a lack of concentration for those around.
For example
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, the result of conducted research illustrates that 70% of the individual can't concentrate
due to
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 the annoying of cellphone. Furthermere, There are valid reasons for permitting to
use
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 mobile
phone
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 in public areas. There are many situations that
people
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 can't do without it.
For instance
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, when
people
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 face
such
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 situation
such
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 as emergencies, they need mobile
phone
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 to solve the problem.
This
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, they should have the freedom to
use
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 the
cell
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phone
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 ‏Aforiding
use
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 mobile
phone
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 can touches on Some social issues.
People
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 may do against the law, which can lead to many dangerous problem. To illustrate, using mobile
phone
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 in shop without knowing the owner mes could lead to misunderstad.
Therefore
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, it can cause crime and lack in the confidence.
Moreover
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, not allowing mobile
phone
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 in shops potentially would make between
people
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 less thart when they the connection share eney thing. eney thing. So, the collaboration and connection among
people
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 come and shops will dorease and
people
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 become unknown of alot of products. ‏In conclusion,
cell
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phone
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 is very important in
people
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's live. It has various benefits for the individual in each area.
Therefore
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, the government Should support
people
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 to
use
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 public place. their
cell
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phone
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 in

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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure each paragraph tackles a single main idea and develop it fully with supporting evidence and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen coherence by ensuring smooth transitions between sentences and ideas, and maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work to identify and correct minor errors that can distract the reader and clarify sentences for better understanding.
task achievement
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion provides a summarization of the writer's stance clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distraction
  • concentration
  • noise pollution
  • emergencies
  • individual freedoms
  • infringe
  • courteous behavior
  • regulation
  • permissible
  • enforce
  • disruption
  • public transport
  • public spaces
  • notifications
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