IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some cities of the world, cars are replacing bicycles. However, in some other cities, bicycles are replacing cars. What are the reasons for these two developments? In your opinion, which one better?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern days, there has been an increasing number of
cars
Use synonyms
 replacing
bicycles
Use synonyms
 in some cities
due to
Linking Words
 time-saving,
while
Linking Words
cars
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 make way for
cycles
Use synonyms
, which derives from environmental protection.
This
Linking Words
 writer strongly claims that the
cars
Use synonyms
’ replacement is a positive status quo because of the growth of public
health
Use synonyms
. It must be recognized that saving time is a focal reason for
people
Use synonyms
 choosing to drive
cars
Use synonyms
 rather than riding
bicycles
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because time is invaluable for everyone and can not be reversed if it flows out.
In addition
Linking Words
, the speed of the
cars
Use synonyms
 is faster than
cycles
Use synonyms
 in most situations, with the exception of floods or traffic congestion.
As a result
Linking Words
, dwellers’ decisions on
cars
Use synonyms
 will always be more than
bicycles
Use synonyms
 in recent communities worldwide. Take the USA as a pertinent example, where the majority of citizens commute to work or study by car with the purpose of punctuality and it is just a small group of
people
Use synonyms
 ride
cycles
Use synonyms
 on the roads, especially the elderly. It must
also
Linking Words
 be acknowledged that the awareness of ecosystem protection is the motivation for
bicycles
Use synonyms
 to become a priority in many nations.
In other words
Linking Words
, riding
bicycles
Use synonyms
 does not release any harmful substances like
cars
Use synonyms
, which burn fossil fuels and put an immense amount of carbon emission into the atmosphere, leading to the greenhouse effect.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, many cities just allow citizens to ride their
cycles
Use synonyms
 for most of the aim in order to go green.
This
Linking Words
 writer’s perspective on
this
Linking Words
 global phenomenon is that the replacement of
cars
Use synonyms
 with
bicycles
Use synonyms
 is an effective way to enhance public well-being.
This
Linking Words
 is especially so if riding a bicycle is identical to doing regular exercises which can assist
people
Use synonyms
 to improve their
health
Use synonyms
 status.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the more often
people
Use synonyms
 ride
bicycles
Use synonyms
, the longer life expectancy they get. Japan is a prime example, where not only adults and children ride
bicycles
Use synonyms
 for working or studying, but the elderly still use
bicycles
Use synonyms
 as exercises for the general target of public
health
Use synonyms
 enhancement.
Thus
Linking Words
, the use of
cars
Use synonyms
 can bring the benefits of saving time,
whereas
Linking Words
 the developing circumstance of
bicycles
Use synonyms
 has a positive influence on the environment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it should have been demonstrated that the growth of using
cycles
Use synonyms
 increases citizens’
health
Use synonyms
 and societal lifespan.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

examples
Consider providing more diverse examples from different regions of the world to further support your main points. This can enhance the persuasiveness and global relevance of your argument.
sentence structure
To improve the clarity and flow of your essay, try varying your sentence structures more frequently. This variation can make your writing more engaging and easier to follow for the reader.
structure
You have structured your essay effectively with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Well done!
argument
Your essay makes a strong, clear argument, effectively addressing both developments and stating your opinion. Great job!
examples
The examples you provided, such as the situation in the USA and Japan, were relevant and helped to illustrate your points. Excellent use of examples!

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • affluence
  • commuting distances
  • infrastructure
  • rapid growth
  • status symbol
  • environmental concerns
  • bike-sharing programs
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable
  • liveable environments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: