IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In most successful organizations, some people believe that communication between managers and workers are the most important factor, other people say that other factors are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some corporations, they consider
communication
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 between the managers and
employees
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 as a vital role in being successful,
while
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 others claim that other
factors
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 are more essential. In
this
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 essay, both sides will be discussed, and my opinion will be given. On the one hand,
communication
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 between various individuals is believed to be the key factor to leads to success. That said,
communication
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 helps to deliver different ideas through individuals who are in different positions and even departments.
Moreover
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, policies can be well-understood through appropriate communications, but not direct orders. Dcard,
for instance
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, one of the most successful social media in Taiwan, puts
communication
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 in first place in their workplace and helps unique ideas and policies be discovered and implemented.
Consequently
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, it has appealed to more users and helped social media become an essential part of every Taiwanese.
On the other hand
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, some companies claim that other
factors
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 are more important
while
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 developing their corporation. Artificial
intelligence
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 is one of them, which assists
employees
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 in various fields in the workplace. In fact, more hospitals have started to use artificial
intelligence
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 to help doctors and other workers finish the reports of patients and other duties. By lessening the load
from
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of
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 work, doctors can serve patients more efficiently and accurately, which can help decrease the wrong diagnosis. In my opinion,
communication
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 and other
factors
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 are both necessary to achieve a successful corporation. By cooperating with the discussions between
employees
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 and artificial
intelligence
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 assistance, new ideas can be implemented fluently.
For instance
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, Speak, which is a successful platform for learning a language, keeps promoting plenty of new thoughts and even develops
a
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apply
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new artificial
intelligence
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 assistance to help users learn. That helps the platform become a trend immediately. In conclusion,
communication
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 between
employees
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 and managers helps the understanding of every idea and policy,
while
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 other
factors
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 can help the company to be more efficient.
Therefore
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, from my perspective, both aspects play vital roles in success.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and stays focused on that point. This will help your ideas flow better.
task achievement
Use more examples and explanations to support your points, especially in the paragraphs discussing each side of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good for clarity.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your argument, which strengthens your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication
  • management
  • productivity
  • teamwork
  • employee engagement
  • company culture
  • interpersonal skills
  • innovation
  • organizational goals
  • morale
  • alignment
  • training
  • success factors
  • interdependence
  • collaboration
What to do next:
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