In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, there are plenty of
way
to master a skill either by pursuing a degree or practice Change to a plural noun
ways
trainings
. Both of it has their own strengths and Change the wording
training
pieces of training
weakness
for future Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses
career
. I personally would rather choose to study in university if Fix the agreement mistake
careers
compare
to Wrong verb form
compared
on
jobChange preposition
apply
hands on
Add a hyphen
hands-on
trainings
.
First and foremost, Change the wording
training
pieces of training
Correct article usage
a bachelor
bachelor
degree Change noun form
bachelor's
provide
a wide Change the verb form
provides
ranges
Fix the agreement mistake
range
oppourtunity
to students. Correct your spelling
opportunity
Company
tend to give more salary to people who hold a degree. Fix the agreement mistake
Companies
Freshgraduate
will have Correct your spelling
Fresh graduates
career
acceleration with their major since they will hold management
Add an article
a management
position
, Fix the agreement mistake
positions
such
as supervisor
or middle-management levels. Add an article
a supervisor
However
, disciples should take 4 years to finish their college which is a little longer than hands-on training.
On other
side, to become a Correct article usage
the other
specialize
in Replace the word
specialist
spesific
tools or Correct your spelling
specific
division
, work-coaching Fix the agreement mistake
divisions
based
is more effective. Pupils who Verb problem
apply
dealing
with Wrong verb form
deal
an equipment
directly generally will have a deep understanding Remove the article
equipment
a piece of equipment
on
it. Change preposition
of
Nevertheless
, these type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
learning
methods have a narrow Change preposition
of learning
career
path and low wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
paid
. Even Verb problem
apply
the
learning duration is shorter, Correct word choice
if the
work-based
student will be located in Add an article
the work-based
a work-based
blue collar
positions by the company which Add a hyphen
blue-collar
hinder
their Correct subject-verb agreement
hinders
career
growth.
To sum up
, university students take more time to study,
but have a wider Remove the comma
apply
career
opportunity. While
coaching based-pupils is resembled
to have a shorter duration, Change to the active voice
resembles
has resembled
they
blue Correct your spelling
the
colar
positions have smaller Correct your spelling
collar
career
growth. At the end
of the day, companies need freshgraduate
Correct your spelling
fresh graduate
fresh graduates
as well as
hands on-based
pupils to collaborate together in order to achieve company goals.Add a hyphen
hands-on-based
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Introduction
Your introduction could be more engaging by providing a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Supporting Examples
Try to include more specific examples from real life or studies to support your points. This will help make your argument stronger and more relatable.
Argument Consistency
Ensure consistency in your argument. If you argue for the superiority of university education, ensure all parts of your essay support this stance without ambiguity.
Language Variation
Work on varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to make your essay more dynamic and interesting to read.
Task Response Clarity
You discussed both views but a clearer comparison on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages could enhance your argument. Consider directly addressing this in your conclusion for clarity.
Structure
You provided a clear structure with identifiable sections for introduction, body, and conclusion which aids readability.
Balanced Argument
Your argument presents both sides of the debate, which is good practice to show a balanced view.
Vocabulary Attempt
You have attempted to use topic-specific vocabulary which is appropriate for the essay question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.