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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

1)Some people believe that older people bring benefits to the companies while others say that youngsters bring more. Discuss both views and give your opinion. 2)In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays people store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #companies #youngsters #books #store #internet
In terms of
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
, young
people
 bring more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies
 because they can be paid less than those who have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant
work’s
Change noun form
work
show examples
experience
. A recent
study
 showed that youngsters find a job faster than older
people
. The
reason
 is young employees have to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 career growth
first,
and
therefore
 they would agree to be hired without
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
. The evidence suggests that young
people
 have a huge potential to develop the company, and,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time, they are not picky about
salary
due to
 their understanding that they do not have enough
experience
.
Consequently
, workers of
this
 age
is more
Verb problem
are
show examples
 preferable for the
companies
. There are more pros to collect
knowledge
 on the
internet
 rather than in
books
. In
fact
, storage
knowledge
 on the
internet
 is very convenient nowadays. The recent observations showed that
students
 have started using iPads and other gadgets during their studying. The
reason
 is that they can take notes of the lectures and use all necessary
study
 material via the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
, which is the best option for those who do not want to bring
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of heavy
books
 in their backpacks. Gaining information from the
internet
supposed
Add a missing verb
is supposed
show examples
 to be better than obtaining
knowledge
 from
books
due to
 the
fact
 that on the
internet
students
 can find more data in a faster way.In terms of
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
, young
people
 bring more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies
 because they can be paid less than those who have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant
work’s
Change noun form
work
show examples
experience
. A recent
study
 showed that youngsters find a job faster than older
people
. The
reason
 is young employees have to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 career growth
first,
and
therefore
 they would agree to be hired without
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
. The evidence suggests that young
people
 have a huge potential to develop the company, and,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time, they are not picky about
salary
due to
 their understanding that they do not have enough
experience
.
Consequently
, workers of
this
 age
is more
Verb problem
are
show examples
 preferable for the
companies
. There are more pros to collect
knowledge
 on the
internet
 rather than in
books
. In
fact
, storage
knowledge
 on the
internet
 is very convenient nowadays. The recent observations showed that
students
 have started using iPads and other gadgets during their studying. The
reason
 is that they can take notes of the lectures and use all necessary
study
 material via the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
, which is the best option for those who do not want to bring
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of heavy
books
 in their backpacks. Gaining information from the
internet
supposed
Add a missing verb
is supposed
show examples
 to be better than obtaining
knowledge
 from
books
due to
 the
fact
 that on the
internet
students
 can find more data in a faster way.
Submitted by julykryuchkova on

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Structure
Consider organizing your essay with clear and distinct sections for each viewpoint along with an introduction and a conclusion to strengthen your argument structure.
Language
Enhance your essay by diversifying the sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to convey your ideas more effectively.
Examples
Incorporate more detailed examples and evidence to bolster your claims and add depth to your arguments.
Task Response
Be sure to discuss both views thoroughly and provide a clear opinion as requested in the prompt to fully meet the task achievement criteria.
Clarity
You provided a clear stance on both topics discussed, which is a crucial aspect of the task.
Understanding
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topics at hand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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