IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To, to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
Saving
money
 is crucial for individuals, especially for the younger generation.
Although
 the value of
money
 will decrease over time, I firmly believe it is an excellent chance to ensure financial
security
 in the
future
.
To begin
 with, saving capital helps individuals achieve their long-term goals that are closely related to finances,
such
 as buying a house, starting a business, and pursuing higher education.
Moreover
, saving
money
 allows us to gain a better financial perspective, make countless plans, and have the ability to make significant investments in the
future
.
Additionally
, it helps us to achieve financial independence, reducing our dependence on others' income and financial
security
. By saving, we can cover our needs and expenses more effectively.
As a result
, we will feel confident and can maintain our desired lifestyle.
Firstly
, considering inflation is the most important when we are planning for coming years, needs, and destinations. Inflation reduces the purchasing power of
money
 over time.
Therefore
, today's selling
money
 will buy favourite goods and stuff compared to what it can purchase in the present.
Secondly
, putting too much focus on saving might lead to missing out on today's available opportunities and facilities,
such
 as running our own business or simply enjoying life at the time .
On the other hand
, saving
money
 can sometimes lead to stress and anxiety, which may negatively impact our well-being and bring many causes for concern. In conclusion,
while
 achieving financial
security
 for our
future
 is essential, I believe that keeping a balance between present enjoyment and
future
security
 is the best way to ensure financial well-being at all times.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Your response is generally well-structured and you have presented your arguments clearly. However, to further improve your task response, ensure you address both sides of the argument more comprehensively. This will demonstrate your ability to consider different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help your ideas connect more smoothly from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a balanced view.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted the importance of saving money with practical examples, which strengthens your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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