IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

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Nowadays, more and more young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study and work in the urban. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
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 is a shortage of opportunity in rural areas. Of course, the live in the
cities
Use synonyms
 has a lot of advantages
then
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 disadvantages.
Firstly
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, we will discuss about availability of education in urban. Many qualified schools and prestigious universities are located in big
cities
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.
Also
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, a significant amount of government grants and scholarships
allocate
Wrong verb form
are allocated
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for
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to
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 student from rural areas
for
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to
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popularization
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popularise
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of
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apply
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education and increase their knowledge.
Undoubtful
Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
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, a quality education is a huge advantage of
cities
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, for
government
Correct article usage
the government
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easier
Correct word choice
apply
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to find good teachers and professors in the
cities
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 and
do
Correct your spelling
due
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 to that they build
a
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apply
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new
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 in urban. Turning to the other side of the argument let's discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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work in big
cities
Use synonyms
. As we mentioned earlier
the
Correct article usage
apply
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huge companies usually are located in
cities
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. And as
usual
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usual,
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 they need a lot of manpower to develop business. Many job offers can be found in
cities
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 with high salaries. Surely
this
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 is one of
big
Add an article
the big
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 advantages.
For example
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,
to
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too
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 many huge factories and experiencing a shortage
off
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of
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personal
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personnel
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not to mention
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a small companies
Correct the article-noun agreement
small companies
a small company
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 in the city. They come up with a new idea and programs to entice the people
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
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 to give
thema
Correct your spelling
them
 good conditions of work and high salaries. But
also
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, the selection process for
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 companies
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 strict and complex. Having weighed everything mentioned
up
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apply
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, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 conclusion that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
. Of course, there is a bag side to everything.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance your introduction by more clearly outlining the main points you will discuss. Consider rephrasing for clarity and ensuring a smooth transition into the body of the essay.
task achievement
Make sure to cover both advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way. While you did mention both sides, the conclusion could better emphasize the disadvantages, which would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be revised for better readability.
task achievement
You have highlighted important points about education and employment opportunities in cities, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as government grants and job offers in cities, adds credibility to your points, which is a positive aspect of your writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Educational institutions
  • Job prospects
  • Wages
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Overpopulation
  • Cost of living
  • Rural depopulation
  • Social isolation
  • Traditional values
  • Personal growth
  • Recreational activities
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