IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, other say that crime is caused by a person's nature. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

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It is arguable that the reason for the crime is an economic
background
Use synonyms
 or an individual's nature. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss both points of view and diverge into
one
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 opinion. There is an opinion that poverty is strongly related to a criminal. It is evident that the
environment
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 affects human beings notably. Economic
background
Use synonyms
 is not the only reason that affects individuals,
however
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, it is
one
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 of the most reliable features,
due to
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 its effectiveness in determining
one
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's
environment
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. People who have negative economic backgrounds tend to reside in low-price areas, which could related to worse morality and higher criminal rates than high-price areas.
Thus
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, economic
background
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 could affect
one
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's morality.
For instance
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, there was a TV program in which normal people sneak into the prison, and that show demonstrates the possibility of attendants intending criminals increased drastically.
On the other hand
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,
it is clear that
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 in some cases, the
environment
Use synonyms
 does not affect
one
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's criminal, but an individual's personality. We showed a lot of examples that some serial killers had grown up in friendly families. Their possibility of being criminals could be observed from a young age,
such
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 as abusing animals or a lack of emotional expression regardless of
environment
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. They could be improved with some education,
nevertheless
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, it is obvious that the cause is not from the economic
background
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.
To sum up
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,
it is clear that
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 a disadvantaged economic
background
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 and a person's nature both affect the possibility of crime. Yet, personally, the economic
environment
Use synonyms
 could be more related to criminals,
due to
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 its effectiveness and frequent access in daily life.

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Clarity
Ensure clarity in presenting your arguments. Avoid complex sentences if they compromise the clear expression of ideas.
Thesis Statement
Introduce a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to explicitly state your main argument or opinion.
Sentence Variation
Use more varied sentence structures to improve the flow of your essay. This will also make your text more engaging to read.
Balance and Neutrality
In discussing both views, try to maintain a balanced approach before presenting your own opinion.
Supporting Examples
Provide more concrete examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
Topic Engagement
You've engaged with both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
Conclusion
The conclusion summarizes the discussion and states your opinion, showing good structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economically disadvantaged
  • necessities
  • societal factors
  • external circumstances
  • criminal activities
  • intrinsic characteristics
  • personality traits
  • moral beliefs
  • psychological conditions
  • predisposed
  • personal choice
  • responsibility
  • profound impact
  • circumstances
  • attributes
  • behavior
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