Some people think hard work and determination lead to success. Others feel that money and personal appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There are valid arguments on both sides of the debate regarding obtaining a
university
degree
versus gaining
experience
first. Let's explore each viewpoint before providing my own opinion. Those who believe that getting a
degree
from
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
is the best way to guarantee a job argue that it provides a strong foundation of knowledge and
skills
in a specific field. A
degree
demonstrates a certain level of expertise and dedication to learning, which can make job applicants more competitive in the market.
Additionally
, many employers require a
degree
as a minimum qualification for certain positions, especially in fields like medicine, law, or engineering.
Furthermore
,
university
education often provides opportunities for networking, internships, and access to resources that can enhance career prospects.
On the other hand
, proponents of gaining
experience
first argue that practical knowledge gained through real-world work is invaluable. They believe that hands-on
experience
allows individuals to develop
skills
, learn industry-specific techniques, and understand the challenges and nuances of their chosen field.
Experience
also
helps individuals build a professional network and establish a track record of success, which can be equally important as formal education when seeking employment.
Additionally
, some industries value
experience
over degrees,
such
as creative fields or entrepreneurship, where practical
skills
and a proven track record often carry more weight. In my opinion, a combination of both education and
experience
is ideal.
While
a
university
degree
can provide a solid foundation of knowledge and open doors to certain opportunities, practical
experience
is equally important in developing
skills
and understanding the realities of the working world. It is essential to strike a balance between theoretical learning and hands-on application to excel in today's competitive job market. In conclusion, the decision between obtaining a
degree
or gaining
experience
first depends on various factors,
such
as the industry, career goals, personal circumstances, and individual learning preferences. It is crucial for individuals to carefully consider their options, weigh the pros and cons, and make a decision that aligns with their aspirations and long-term career plans.
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task response
Although the essay discusses both views and concludes with a personal opinion, it does not accurately address the original prompt about hard work, determination, and the role of money and appearance in achieving success. Refocus your essay to specifically address the given views in the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with each view discussed in separate paragraphs. Enhance coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more engaging and directly related to the specific topic. Restate the views and your stance more explicitly in these sections.
task achievement
While main points are supported, they do not focus on the correct views from the prompt. Align your supporting points closely with the opinions stated in the prompt to improve task achievement.
task achievement
Ideas are clear but could be further elaborated for deeper comprehension. Aim to provide more detailed analysis and depth to your arguments.
task achievement
Use of specific examples is crucial for illustrating your points. Incorporate relevant examples related to the importance of hard work, determination, money, and appearance to strengthen your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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