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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes or violence increase. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#punishment #lives #crimes #violence
Due to
 the increase in crime rates these days,certain demographics of society think that it is necessary to give the death penalty to criminals.I largely disagree with
this
 notion
due to
 everyone should get a chance and sometimes it is unfair . To commence with views of agreement, giving them extreme penalties will set examples for others.To explicate it,people with get scared before thinking of doing anything against the law.So individuals think that it will decrease the rates of crimes. Shifting towards views of disagreement, every person deserves a chance, giving them a death warrant only is not a good way to improve things.To elaborate ,sometimes there are circumstances in which individuals have no options in defence they try to do something ,accident happens.
For example
, there was an incident that happened back in 1990 in America when a wife killed her husband.They got married for 2 years but her husband was very abusive,he used to physically abuse her every day but on that day he tried to kill her 1-year-old daughter and she was trying to save her but accidentally her husband got killed.
Hence
,people are not born criminals,sometimes situations make them and it's the court's responsibility to keep an eye on every aspect.
Further
 strengthening views penalizing certain times is not fair.To explicate ,giving them that strict life for unlawful acts like stealing a food or wallet is not considerable.People who are under [overty lines and have no money or work so for filling their stomach they do small crimes.
Moreover
,in some cases individuals who are innocent get caught and lawyers are unable to prove innocence in that case
also
 it would be unfair to do that .
For instance
,currently case named McCarthy is highlighted in the media
due to
 wrong judgement made by the Judge.After 8 years it was found that the person who was declared guilty was not the criminal,his friend did the accident but McCarthy was found the criminal
due to
 negligence of proof collected by the police and the judge gave 20 years in prison to him but now they found the actual offender.
However
, the guiltless person had to pay off.
As a result
,it is immoral as the magistrate is
also
 a human being,sometimes he can
also
 make mistakes.
To conclude
,
although
 it will be a lesson for the masses yet ,it could be unethical to do so.
Submitted by nandnilekhi on

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Grammar & Punctuation
Be careful with your grammar and punctuation, as they can sometimes make your arguments harder to follow. For instance, using 'people with get scared' instead of 'people will get scared' can confuse. Consistent and accurate use of grammar enhances clarity.
Argument Depth
Try to provide a balanced view on the topic by exploring both sides of the argument thoroughly before stating your own stance. It will make your essay more persuasive and show a deeper understanding of the subject.
Vocabulary
Using more varied and advanced vocabulary, especially concerning key terms related to the topic, can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Structure
You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs focused on separate points, and a conclusion. This structure makes your argument easy to follow.
Using Examples
You provided concrete examples to support your thoughts, like the case from 1990 in America. This is a good practice as it makes your argument more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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